the death of me!

DIBBS (aside to SELWYN). All right, sir. The milingtary
gent's in love with Miss Grace, so you are safe!

SEL. Is he? Then my life may be spared!

CAPT. K. (threateningly). So, sir, it was you!

SEL. Yes! But we will not resume our fistic
encounter--remember, I am your future father-in-law! (Aside.) He
may as well have Grace now that's Fred's got another flame!

CAPT. K. The Katskills of Kilkenny _never_ bear malice!--Your
hand!

SEL. Don't mention it! (They go up, C.)

DIBBS (down, L.). I knew I could get things straight!

Enter MRS. SELWYN and GRACE.

MRS. S. Painful as it is to go into these family matters
before _you_, Mr. Tompkins. (Addressing BLITHERS.)

BLITH. I beg your pardon--_Blithers_!

SEL. (coming down C. to MRS. SELWYN). Yes,
dear--Blithers--you are mixing things up!

MRS. S. Well, Blithers, if you wish--my husband's conduct
last night with this Miss--I do not know her name----

FRED. (Bringing LOTTIE forward). Mrs. Bellamy!

MRS. S. (astonished). Mrs. Bellamy!

SEL. (to MRS. SELWYN). I told you, dear, you were mixing
things up!

MRS. S. (to SELWYN). But, Samuel, you confessed to me you
met this lady----

SEL. I never saw her in all my life!

FRED. Certainly not _last_ night, for _I_ was with her the
whole evening!

BLITH. I can testify to the truth of that!

MRS. S. Are you conspiring to deceive me?

SEL. No, my dear. The fact is, I may have _appeared_ to have
been rather in a hobble, but it was all assumed--all put on,
my dear. Every bit of it, and if _you_ don't understand it, I
do, and so don't make yourself ridiculous before visitors--but
give your consent to the Captain having our little Gracie!

GRACE. Oh! dear papa!

CAPT. K. (to GRACE). Me jewel!

MRS. S. I certainly _don't_ understand it, but I suppose
it's all right?

SEL. Perfectly, my dear! It was that stupid Dibbs who was
at the bottom of it all to begin with.

DIBBS (indignantly). Me! (Down, L.)

SEL. (winks). Yes! I thought at first of discharging him,
but I have decided to give him another chance, and a rise in
his wages. (Bringing BLITHERS and CAPTAIN KATSKILL down C.,
and aside to BLITHERS.) How did _you_ become possessed of
my head-gear?

BLITH. Well, as you took mine from Mr. Dobbinson's hat-stand
what was I to do?

SEL. (to CAPTAIN KATSKILL). How did the name of Tompkins
get into _your_ chimney-pot, Captain?

CA