enced in the Glasgow Police Court was
captured while in the act of lowering a chest of drawers out of a
window with a rope. The old method of taking the house home and
extracting the furniture at leisure is still considered the safest by
conservative house-breakers.

* * *

Found under a bed in a strange house at Grimsby, a man told the police
who arrested him that he was looking for work. It was pointed out to
him that the usual place for men looking for work is in bed, not under
it.

* * *

In a recent case a Hull bargee gave his name as ALFAINA SWASH.
Nevertheless the Court did not decide to hear the rest of his evidence
_in camera_.

* * *

A cyclist who stopped to watch a stag-hunt near Tivington Cross, in
Somerset, was tossed into the hedge by the stag. On behalf of the
beast it is claimed that the cyclist was off-side.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "SHE DON'T 'ARF SWANK SINCE 'ER FARVER WAS KNOCKED OVER
BY A ROLLS-ROYCE."]

* * * * *

"The Czecho-Slovaks will shortly be able to see the successful
play, 'The Right to Stroke.'"--_Evening Paper._

Good news for the local pussies.

* * * * *

"The first annual dinner of the ---- Club was held in the Club
Rooms on Saturday evening, a large number sitting down to an
excellent coal collation."--_Local Paper._

Surely a little extravagant in these times.

=THE POET LAUREATE AND HIS GERMAN FRIENDS.=

"Prisoners to a foe inhuman, Oh, but our hearts rebel;
Defenceless victims ye are, in claws of spite a prey.
* * * * *
Nor trouble we just Heaven that quick revenge be done
On Satan's chamberlains highseated in Berlin;
Their reek floats round the world on all lands neath the sun:
Tho' in craven Germany was no man found, not one
With spirit enough to cry Shame!--Nay but on such sin
Follows Perdition eternal ... and it has begun."

_The POET LAUREATE, in "The Times," November 4th, 1918._

"The letter [of reconciliation from Oxford Professors, etc., 'to
their fellows in Germany'] is written ... with the recognition
that we have both of us been provoked to 'animosities' which we
desire to put aside ... The commonest objection was that the
action was 'premature'--my own feeling being that of shame
for having vainly waited so long in deference to political
complications,