this painful feud
I'd banish straight to Mespot
The scribbling infant brood,
And bar the importation,
By that hustler, Uncle Sam,
Of novels from the nursery
And poems from the pram.

* * * * *

From an account of Sir J. FORBES-ROBERTSON'S _debut_:--

"It was interesting to remember that in the audience on that
occasion were Dante, Gabriel, Rossetti and Algernon Charles
Swinburne."--_Provincial Paper._

The archangel was a great catch.

* * * * *

"When the Royal Cream horses were dispersed from the royal
stables, one or two golf clubs made an endeavour to get one of
these fine animals, and Ranelagh and Sandy Lodge were fortunate to
secure them. The horses look fine on the course behind the mower."
_Evening Paper._

Shoving, we suppose, for all they are worth.

* * * * *

=EUCLID IN REAL LIFE.=

If it was not for the paper-shortage I should at once re-write EUCLID,
or those parts of him which I understand. The trouble about old EUCLID
was that he had no soul, and few of his books have that emotional
appeal for which we look in these days. My aim would be to bring home
his discoveries to the young by clothing them with human interest;
and I should at the same time demonstrate to the adult how often they
might be made practically useful in everyday life. When one thinks
of the times one draws a straight line at right angles to another
straight line, and how seldom one does it EUCLID'S way ... every time
one writes a T....

Well, let us take, for example--

BOOK III., PROPOSITION 1.

PROBLEM.--_To find the centre of a given circle_.

Let ABC be that horrible round bed where you had the geraniums
last year. This year, I gather, the idea is to have it nothing but
rose-trees, with a great big fellow in the middle. The question is,
where is the middle? I mean, if you plant it in a hurry on your own
judgment, everyone who comes near the house will point out that the
bed is all cock-eye. Besides, you can see it from the dining-room and
it will annoy you at breakfast.

[Illustration]

CONSTRUCTION.--Well, this is how we go about it. First, you draw any
chord AB in the given bed ABC. You can do that with one of those long
strings the gardener keeps in his shed, with pegs at the end.

Bisect AB at D.

Now don't look so stupid. We've done that already in Book I., Pr