works proper for my
preservation and supply, and was far enough from being afflicted at my
condition, as a judgment from Heaven, or as the hand of God against me:
these were thoughts which very seldom entered into my head.

The growing up of the corn, as is hinted in my Journal, had at first
some little influence upon me, and began to affect me with seriousness,
as long as I thought it had something miraculous in it; but as soon as
ever that part of thought was removed, all the impression which was
raised from it wore off also, as I have noted already.

Even the earthquake, though nothing could be more terrible in its
nature, or more immediately directing to the invisible Power which alone
directs such things; yet no sooner was the first fright over, but the
impression it had made went off also. I had no more sense of God, or his
judgments, much less of the present affliction of my circumstances being
from his hand, than if I had been in the most prosperous condition
of life.

But now, when I began to be sick, and a leisurely view of the miseries
of death came to place itself before me; when my spirits began to sink
under the burden of a strong distemper, and nature was exhausted with
the violence of the fever; conscience, that had slept so long, began to
awake, and I began to reproach myself with my past life, in which I had
so evidently, by uncommon wickedness, provoked the justice of God to lay
me under uncommon strokes, and to deal with me in so vindictive
a manner.

These reflections oppressed me from the second or third day of my
distemper, and in the violence, as well of the fever as of the dreadful
reproaches of my conscience, extorted some words from me, like praying
to God, though I cannot say they were either a prayer attended with
desires, or with hopes; it was rather the voice of mere fright and
distress; my thoughts were confused, the convictions great upon my mind,
and the horror of dying in such a miserable condition, raised vapours
into my head with the mere apprehensions; and, in these hurries of my
soul, I knew not what my tongue might express: but it was rather
exclamation, such as, "Lord! what a miserable creature am I! If I should
be sick, I shall certainly die for want of help, and what will become of
me!" Then the tears burst out of my eyes, and I could say no more for a
good while.

In this interval, the good advice of my father came to my mind; and
presently his prediction, which I mentio