ver thee;"
and the impossibility of my deliverance lay much upon my mind, in bar of
my ever expecting it: but as I was discouraging myself with such
thoughts, it occurred to my mind, that I pored so much upon my
deliverance from the main affliction, that I disregarded the deliverance
I had received; and I was, as it were, made to ask myself such questions
as these; viz. Have I not been delivered, and wonderfully too, from
sickness? from the most distressed condition that could be, and that was
so frightful to me? and what notice had I taken of it? had I done my
part? _God had delivered me;_ but _I had not glorified him_: that is to
say, I had not owned and been thankful for that as a deliverance; and
how could I expect greater deliverance?

This touched my heart very much, and immediately I kneeled down, and
gave God thanks aloud, for my recovery from my sickness.

July 4. In the morning I took the Bible; and, beginning at the New
Testament, I began seriously to read it, and imposed upon myself to read
a while every morning and every night, not tying myself to the number of
chapters, but as long as my thoughts should engage me. It was not long
after I set seriously to this work, but I found my heart more deeply and
sincerely affected with the wickedness of my past life; the impression
of my dream revived, and the words, "All these things have not brought
thee to repentance," ran seriously in my thoughts: I was earnestly
begging of God to give me repentance, when it happened providentially
the very day, that, reading the Scripture, I came to these words, "He is
exalted a Prince, and a Saviour, to give repentance, and to give
remission." I threw down the book, and with my heart as well as my hand
lifted up to heaven, in a kind of ecstasy of joy, I cried out aloud,
"Jesus, thou Son of David, Jesus, thou exalted Prince and Saviour, give
me repentance!"

This was the first time that I could say, in the true sense of the
words, that I prayed in all my life; for now I prayed with a sense of my
condition, and with a true Scripture view of hope, founded on the
encouragement of the word of God; and from this time, I may say, I began
to have hope that God would hear me.

Now I began to construe the words mentioned above, "Call on me, and I
will deliver thee," in a different sense from what I had ever done
before; for then I had no notion of any thing being called deliverance,
but my being delivered from the captivity I was in;