ry
low_): "BLOOMIN' U-BOAT TACTICS!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Voice from gallery (during grave-digger scene in
"Hamlet")._ "AIN'T YER GOING TO 'AVE NO PARAPET?"]

* * * * *

"Now is the opportunity for carrying out the recommendation of a
Select Committee in 1908 that there should be a common gallery for
men and women."--_The Vote_.

A sort of Mixed Grille, in fact.

* * * * *

"Wanted, Upper Housemaid of two; wages L30; 5 maids; two ladies in
family; quiet country place."--_Daily Paper_.

Who said our upper classes are not feeling the War?

* * * * *

"Required, very small nicely Furnished House or Cottage.
Bathroom and good private girls' school within easy walk
essential."--_Daily Paper_.

There is nothing so invigorating as a little walk before one's bath.

* * * * *

_SEMPER EADEM_.

A prisoner, Gunner Grogan, E.,
To-day will be brought up to me
For impudence and sloth;
_Reveille_ only made him sneer;
Aroused, he lipped a Bombardier
(And very natural--both).

And I shall counter, with disdain,
His feeble efforts to explain
Or justify such deeds.
It will be funny if I fail
To twist young Gunner Grogan's tail,
That being what he needs.

I know he isn't really bad;
Myself, I rather like the lad.
(And loathe that Bombardier!)
Beneath his buttons--none too bright--
May lurk the spirit of a knight--
A thwarted cavalier.

For some who fought at Crecy, too,
Snored on or scoffed when trumpets blew,
And presently were caught;
And when the clanking N.C.O.'s
Came round to prod them, I suppose
They up and spoke their thought.

Then they were for it; up they went
Paraded by the Prince's tent,
While he, to meet the crime,
Recalled the nastiest words he knew,
And learned the worst that he could do
From "K.R." of the time.

And yet such criminals as those
Did England proud with English bows
As schoolboys have to read;
And Gunner Grogan would to-day
Prove every bit as stout as they
Should there arise the need.

But just as heroes of Romance,
Who dodged parades with half a chance,
Were strafed--and mighty hard--
So likewise Gunner Grogan, E.,
Employed in making history,
Will do an extra guard