AC HOLDEN never tires of telling the fascinating
story of how he discovered the lucifer-match; HENNIKER HEATON
passes the time writing letters to RAIKES, and complains that the
Postmaster-General has his communications ostentatiously fumigated
before opening them; SEYMOUR KEAY says he must get back to Westminster
(nobody says him nay), or Land Bill would be getting passed through
Committee; and here is the Grand Young GARDNER _and_ his wife--Lady
WINIFRED, of course, looking down on us from Ladies' Gallery.

Have on the whole a very good time. Looked after by RUSTEM ROOSE,
whose cure is as alluring as it is infallible. "Eat, drink and sleep,"
he says. "Lie on your back and sedulously do nothing." So whilst they
storm and fret at Westminster, here, in hollow Lotos Land we live and
lie reclining. Pleasant to hear RUSTEM ROOSE's voice as he goes his
morning rounds, stethoscope in hand. "A long breath, dear friend: say
'74; Pommery, certainly if you like; a pint at luncheon and a roast
chicken. Turn over, dear friend; another long breath; say '80; de
Lanson, of course, if you prefer it; a pint at dinner with a fried
sole and a porterhouse steak; or, if you are tired of champagne, take
a pint of claret with a glass or two of port. A long breath, dear
friend; say '50; three glasses if '50 port won't do you any harm."

Worst of it is we're all getting better, and shall be back to the
grind at Westminster after Whitsuntide. _Business done_.--All taking
long breaths.

* * * * *

THE DIS-ORDER OF THE DAY.--In the House of Commons on the Motion of
the First Lord of the Treasury, it was resolved that Influenza, M.P.,
be expelled. Mr. CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, Leader of the Opposition, _pro
tem._, moved to amend the Resolution by adding "at once." This was
agreed to _nem. con._ The Serjeant-at-Arms was thereupon ordered to
remove Influenza. He declined on the ground that if he did he might
catch it. After some conversation the debate was adjourned. Influenza
left sitting on Members generally.--_Extract from the Fifteenth of
May's Parliamentary Report_.

* * * * *

A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS!

(_BY A PERPLEXED READER OF THE PENNY PAPERS._)

[Illustration]

When you're lying awake, with a horrid headache (to adopt a suggestion
of GILBERT's),
When too freely you've dined, or too heavily wined, or munched too many
walnuts or filberts;
When your brain i