y ideas for future use, and hope some day, if I do
nothing else, at least to perfect a clever little contrivance of
my own for arousing the inmates of a house invaded by burglars
by casement concussions. I propose calling this valuable little
instrument (which is founded to some extent on the simple construction
by which the figures in a child's box of wooden soldiers are enabled
to advance and retire in a scissors-like fashion), when produced, the
Policeman's Upper Floor Window Tapper.

The day for the hearing at length arrived, and, armed with a mass of
carefully selected information, I was in my seat ready to defend the
originality of the Nore Napkin Ring, so to speak, to the death. In my
notes before me I had the skeleton of a really fine oration, which I
felt (if I mastered my normal nervousness) would bristle with epigram,
and thrill with heartfelt, brain-inspired eloquence. So deeply
interested was I in the matter, that I scarcely listened to my
friend's opening, and only became aware of what was happening in
Court by the rising of the Judge. Suddenly his Lordship bowed,
and disappeared. I looked at the clock--it was only noon--and,
consequently, an hour and thirty minutes in advance of the time
usually selected for the mid-day adjournment. And then, to my dismay,
I found that his Lordship was suffering from the influenza! Well,
there was nothing to do but to collect my papers, and, assisted
by PORTINGTON, return to my chambers. The next day my head ached
violently, and I could not move. Then I have a recollection
of dictating to my wife long telegrams to PORTINGTON, which I
subsequently discovered were neither despatched nor delivered.

* * * * *

When I awoke, I found that the matter of _Quicksilver_ v. _Nore_ had
been arranged and settled--out of Court!

_Pump-handle Court._ (_Signed_) A. BRIEFLESS, JUNIOR.

* * * * *

NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS.,
Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no
case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed
Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.

End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol.
100, May 23, 1891, by Various

*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***

***** This file should be named 13352.txt or 13352.zip *****
This and all associated