In the first place,
this 'procede' infallibly makes all 'les rieurs' of your side, which is a
considerable party; and in the next place, it certainly pleases the
object of the competition, be it either man or woman; who never fail to
say, upon such an occasion, that THEY MUST OWN YOU HAVE BEHAVED YOURSELF
VERY, HANDSOMELY IN THE WHOLE AFFAIR. The world judges from the
appearances of things, and not from the reality, which few are able, and
still fewer are inclined to fathom: and a man, who will take care always
to be in the right in those things, may afford to be sometimes a little
in the wrong in more essential ones: there is a willingness, a desire to
excuse him. With nine people in ten, good-breeding passes for
good-nature, and they take attentions for good offices. At courts there
will be always coldnesses, dislikes, jealousies, and hatred, the harvest
being but small in proportion to the number of laborers; but then, as
they arise often, they die soon, unless they are perpetuated by the
manner in which they have been carried on, more than by the matter which
occasioned them. The turns and vicissitudes of courts frequently make
friends of enemies, and enemies of friends; you must labor, therefore, to
acquire that great and uncommon talent of hating with good-breeding and
loving with prudence; to make no quarrel irreconcilable by silly and
unnecessary indications of anger; and no friendship dangerous, in case it
breaks, by a wanton, indiscreet, and unreserved confidence.

Few, (especially young) people know how to love, or how to hate; their
love is an unbounded weakness, fatal to the person they love; their hate
is a hot, rash, and imprudent violence, always fatal to themselves.

Nineteen fathers in twenty, and every mother, who had loved you half as
well as I do, would have ruined you; whereas I always made you feel the
weight of my authority, that you might one day know the force of my love.
Now, I both hope and believe, my advice will have the same weight with
you from choice that my authority had from necessity. My advice is just
eight-and-twenty years older than your own, and consequently, I believe
you think, rather better. As for your tender and pleasurable passions,
manage them yourself; but let me have the direction of all the others.
Your ambition, your figure, and your fortune, will, for some time at
least, be rather safer in my keeping than in your own. Adieu.

LETTER CLXXX

BATH, October 4, 17