to all gruesome fancies; and when that failed there were
confabulations in corners, with a sequel of one of them going out in
the highest spirits in order to "come in" as something new. I had had
brothers myself, and it was no revelation to me that little girls could
be slavish idolaters of little boys. What surpassed everything was that
there was a little boy in the world who could have for the inferior age,
sex, and intelligence so fine a consideration. They were extraordinarily
at one, and to say that they never either quarreled or complained is
to make the note of praise coarse for their quality of sweetness.
Sometimes, indeed, when I dropped into coarseness, I perhaps came across
traces of little understandings between them by which one of them should
keep me occupied while the other slipped away. There is a naive side,
I suppose, in all diplomacy; but if my pupils practiced upon me, it was
surely with the minimum of grossness. It was all in the other quarter
that, after a lull, the grossness broke out.

I find that I really hang back; but I must take my plunge. In going on
with the record of what was hideous at Bly, I not only challenge the
most liberal faith--for which I little care; but--and this is another
matter--I renew what I myself suffered, I again push my way through it
to the end. There came suddenly an hour after which, as I look back, the
affair seems to me to have been all pure suffering; but I have at least
reached the heart of it, and the straightest road out is doubtless to
advance. One evening--with nothing to lead up or to prepare it--I felt
the cold touch of the impression that had breathed on me the night of
my arrival and which, much lighter then, as I have mentioned, I should
probably have made little of in memory had my subsequent sojourn been
less agitated. I had not gone to bed; I sat reading by a couple of
candles. There was a roomful of old books at Bly--last-century fiction,
some of it, which, to the extent of a distinctly deprecated renown,
but never to so much as that of a stray specimen, had reached the
sequestered home and appealed to the unavowed curiosity of my youth. I
remember that the book I had in my hand was Fielding's Amelia; also that
I was wholly awake. I recall further both a general conviction that it
was horribly late and a particular objection to looking at my watch. I
figure, finally, that the white curtain draping, in the fashion of those
days, the head of Flora's lit