e us, leave
us"--I was already, at the door, hurrying her off. "I'll get it out of
him. He'll meet me--he'll confess. If he confesses, he's saved. And if
he's saved--"

"Then YOU are?" The dear woman kissed me on this, and I took her
farewell. "I'll save you without him!" she cried as she went.

XXII

Yet it was when she had got off--and I missed her on the spot--that the
great pinch really came. If I had counted on what it would give me to
find myself alone with Miles, I speedily perceived, at least, that it
would give me a measure. No hour of my stay in fact was so assailed
with apprehensions as that of my coming down to learn that the carriage
containing Mrs. Grose and my younger pupil had already rolled out of the
gates. Now I WAS, I said to myself, face to face with the elements, and
for much of the rest of the day, while I fought my weakness, I could
consider that I had been supremely rash. It was a tighter place still
than I had yet turned round in; all the more that, for the first time,
I could see in the aspect of others a confused reflection of the crisis.
What had happened naturally caused them all to stare; there was too
little of the explained, throw out whatever we might, in the suddenness
of my colleague's act. The maids and the men looked blank; the effect
of which on my nerves was an aggravation until I saw the necessity of
making it a positive aid. It was precisely, in short, by just clutching
the helm that I avoided total wreck; and I dare say that, to bear up
at all, I became, that morning, very grand and very dry. I welcomed the
consciousness that I was charged with much to do, and I caused it to be
known as well that, left thus to myself, I was quite remarkably firm. I
wandered with that manner, for the next hour or two, all over the place
and looked, I have no doubt, as if I were ready for any onset. So, for
the benefit of whom it might concern, I paraded with a sick heart.

The person it appeared least to concern proved to be, till dinner,
little Miles himself. My perambulations had given me, meanwhile, no
glimpse of him, but they had tended to make more public the change
taking place in our relation as a consequence of his having at the
piano, the day before, kept me, in Flora's interest, so beguiled and
befooled. The stamp of publicity had of course been fully given by her
confinement and departure, and the change itself was now ushered in
by our nonobservance of the regular custom