lish absurdity and wit, and must, moreover, have
a satisfactory reason for whatever is said or done, is a philosophical
blockhead.
The best tooth-powder in the world is Armenian hole, a pennyworth of
which will serve a man for six months.
If a man pronounces you a liar, it is very absurd to call him out for
the same. This ceremony does not prove that you are _not a liar_;
it only shows, that you possess sufficient courage to stand at the
distance of twelve paces, while a pistol--probably a leadless one--is
fired at you.
Snuff-taking in a woman is abominable, unless she be very aged--say
eighty, or upwards--when it is rather becoming than otherwise.
Young girls, of from fourteen to seventeen, are fond of aping the woman
in their dress, and are partial to long shawls, which give the young
things a matronly appearance. When they become women in reality, they
are rather too apt to go upon the opposite tack, and to assume the dress
and airs of the girl.
A well-made man always looks shorter than he is; ditto a well-made
woman.
A story-teller, or dealer in anecdote, is an abomination that ought to
be expelled from all well-regulated societies. A man of an original and
truly powerful mind never deals in anecdotes, unless it be for the
purpose of illustrating some general principle. Women and weak men are
all addicted to the vice. If a person of this description begins to
annoy a company with his or her twaddle, the only cure for it is to
affect deafness--a very convenient infirmity at times.
_A hint to Cooks_.--Roasted chestnuts, grated or sliced, make an
excellent addition to the stuffing for turkeys or geese.
_Another hint_.--In boiling salmon, split the fish from head to
tail; if you do not do this, but boil it entire, or cut horizontally
through the middle, it is impossible to cook it thoroughly, the
thickness of the back and shoulders being such, that, if the outside be
properly done, the inside must needs be little better than parboiled. On
the Tweed, and other salmon districts, the latter system is held in
abomination.
A clever servant is almost invariably quick tempered. The reason is
obvious: superior talent is always accompanied by pride, which must meet
with many petty annoyances in the menial state.
Never praise or talk of your children to other people; for, depend upon
it, no person except yourself cares a single farthing about them.
Sea-gull eggs, when boiled hard and eaten cold, with pepp
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