* * * * *

CHOICE APHORISMS.

(_From_ 144, _in Fraser's Magazine_.)

It is perfectly possible to make champagne from gooseberries, equal to
that yielded by the grape. _Exampli gratia_: Lord Haddington, who
is a first-rate judge of wines, had a bottle of mock and one of real
champagne set before him, and was requested to say which was which. He
mistook the product of the gooseberry for the genuine article; and many
persons, reputed good judges, have done the same thing.

By putting a piece of lump-sugar, the size of a walnut, into the
tea-pot, you will make the tea infuse in one-half the time. This fact is
well known to bag-men and stage-coach travellers.

Members of dilletanti societies are generally especial asses:
their eternal talk about the fine arts, drawing, colouring, harmony,
composition, chiaro-scuro, fore-shortening, design, and so forth,
is enough to turn the stomach of a horse. The thing is the more
insufferable, because they absolutely know nothing of the subject,
and have about as much real appreciation of works of genius as
a pig possesses for the inventions of Watt or Daedalus.

While prigs of the above description are eternally chattering about such
topics, men who are really eminent in the fine arts never say a word on
the subject. Goldsmith describes this matter well in his account of Sir
Joshua Reynolds:--

To coxcombs averse, yet most civilly steering,
When they judged without skill he was still hard of hearing;
When they talk'd of their Raphaels, Correggios, and stuff,
He shifted his trumpet, and only took snuff."

When I see a man who affects to doubt everything he hears, I never
hesitate about writing him down an ass. A great doubter is a solemn and
self-conceited prig. How amusing is it to see the blockhead shake his
empty pate, compress his lips into a sneer, and turn up his absurd
unmeaning eyes in dubious disbelief, when he hears aught which he thinks
it would imply sagacity to discredit! Such persons imagine, that to be a
great doubter implies wisdom; whereas, in their case, it has its origin
in constitutional phlegm and stupidity.

Arguers and spouters are invariably asses.

If you wish to make yourself agreeable to any one, talk as much as you
please about his or her affairs, and as little as possible about your
own. People are such downright egotists themselves, that they cannot
tolerate egotism in others.

A person who cannot re