. Thoughts,
feelings, and passions which were active in my bosom, and which, in
truth, were not to be well-spoken of, have given place, I hope, to a
better state of mind.

"How am I now actualizing my spiritual life? It would be hard for me
to answer at this moment. Am I less wilful? Do I sacrifice more than
I did? Am I more loving? I am afraid that I am doing nothing more
than I did; and therefore I took up this book to give an account of
myself.

"Study occupies the best part of my time most generally. I recite
lessons in Latin and in German every day, and now intend to study
English grammar again. Then I read considerable, and write letters to
my friends. All this, added to the hours I have to spend in business,
leaves me not sufficient time to meditate; and there is no
opportunity here for me to go into a retired, silent place, where I
can be perfectly still, which is what has the most internal effect on
me, and the best and most lasting. Two things I should and must do
for my own soul's sake: speak less, and think less of my friends. To
do this will give me a retired place and an opportunity for silence
in the midst of all that is around me.

"I feel that I am not doing anything to ameliorate the social
condition of those around me who are under my influence and partial
control. Just now there seems a stand-still in this direction. The
Spirit promises to teach us in all things: what more would it have me
do in this way? What should be my next step? My mind has been
partially drawn away from this by the present poor state of business,
which keeps us cramped in our funds.

"I fear that to take less food than I now do would injure my
health--else I should fast often.

"To-day let me put in practice the two above-mentioned duties:
silence, and less thought upon my friends.

"And now, O God! If Thou helpest not I shall be worse than before.
Heavenly Father, as the lower depends on the light and warmth of the
sun for its grace and beauty, so, and much more, do I depend on Thee
for life and progress. O Lord! from the depths of my heart I would
implore Thee to aid me in all good intentions. My heart overflows
with its fulness of gratitude for what Thou hast done for me, and I
know Thou wilt not shorten Thy hand. Thy beauty, Thy loveliness, O
God! is beyond our finite vision, far above our expression. Lord, all
I can utter is, Help my weakness."

"December 2, 1843.--My heart, these two days back, has been filled