day_
would have been better; that is, if by _The Times_ is only meant "The
Present Day." And if it doesn't mean this, what meaning has it? For
alliterative advertisement it may be useful; e.g., "Times at TERRY's."
The dialogue generally is easy, natural and telling.

Yours,

PRIVATE BOX.

* * * * *

FOLLOW THE BARON!

["Such characters as he should retire into fiction, they
are too exaggerated for real life."--_"Times" on Mr. R.L.
Stevenson's Sad Maron of Samou._]

Oh, most excellent true! How I thank thee, great _Times_,
For teaching that phrase! 'Tis delicious!
Fiction! The haunt of mad follies, crass crimes,
Fads futile, and tastes meretricious.
Oh, joy, to transport to that Limbo of Fools,
Upon trial and honest conviction,
The plagues of our Parties, our Churches, our Schools,
Who ought to "retire into Fiction."

When WINDYWHAME, M.P., goes spouting about,
His flatulent madness and malice;
When SLUDGE, after years of dogmatical doubt,
Finds Faith's Wonderland worthy of _Alice_;
When POPINJAY airs his effeminate Art,
And DOBBS sputters dirt in choice diction,
Ye gods, there'd be joy in Church, Forum, and Mart,
If the fools would "retire into Fiction."

Pragmatical pietists, sceptics obtuse
Who Progress impede with crude cackle,
Predestinate duffers of prattle profuse,
Who the biggest world-problems would tackle;
State-quacks, shouting Emperors, queer School-Board cranks,
We'll give you our best benediction,
And speed you at parting with heartiest thanks,
If you'll only--"retire into Fiction!"

* * * * *

[Illustration: EMANCIPATION.

_Young Bride of Three Hours' standing_ (_just starting on her Wedding
Trip_).--"OH, EDWIN DEAR! HERE'S '_TOM JONES_.' PAPA TOLD ME I WASN'T
TO READ IT TILL I WAS MARRIED! THE DAY HAS COME ... AT LAST! BUY IT
FOR ME, EDWIN DEAR."]

* * * * *

ARMING THE AMAZONS.

(_MODERN BRUMMAGEM VERSION._)

[At the meeting (at Birmingham) of the National Union of
Conservative and Constitutional Associations, a resolution in
favour of "considering the claims of women to be admitted to
the franchise when entitled by ownership or occupation," was
carried "by an overwhelming majority, amid loud cheers."
Mrs. FAWCETT afterwards said, "What new forces were they (the
Conservative