to suppress a burst of unmanly emotion._)
I am deeply grieved, Gentlemen, but I fear that we can do nothing
further in this matter?

_Chorus of Members_. Utterly impossible!

_Pres._ Exactly. Orderly, call Mr. SHIRKWORKS. (_Second Candidate
enters._) Glad to see you, Sir. Pray sit down. I think you were at
school?

_Second Can._ (_with confidence_). Never, Sir, and allow me to add
that I can scarcely read, don't know how to spell, and have a firm
impression that two and two make either three or five--I forget which.

_Pres._ (_beaming_). Excellent! (_After a brief consultation with his
colleagues._) Mr. SHIRKWORKS, I have much pleasure in informing you
that we shall be glad to recommend you for a Commission. (_Curtain._)

* * * * *

[Illustration: A RARE CHANCE.

_Mr. Snobbin hiring a Hack to ride down to the Derby._

_Horse-Owner_. "I'LL CHARGE YOU THIRTY BOB FOR THE DAY, GUV'NOR;
OR--LOOK HERE!--GIMME TWO POUND, AND YOU MAY KEEP HIM!"]

* * * * *

CODLINGSBY JUNIOR;

OR, A CHIP OF THE OLD BLOCK.

_BEING FRAGMENTS OF A FORTHCOMING POLITICAL PRIZE NOVEL._

[In a letter to _The Times_ on "Party Organisation," Mr.
CONINGSBY DISRAELI vigorously rallies the Tory Party on
their "eternal and infernal apathy." He says, "Since we have
borrowed some Liberal principles, let us borrow some Liberal
tactics, and introduce what I would call the Schnadhorstian
methods into our councils of war. They, at least, have the
merit of success."]

* * * * *

It was CODLINGSBY JUNIOR, who saved the Vraibleusian Party after the
battle of Bahborough. By sending a stern and _staccato_ epistle to the
"Jupiter Tonans"; by praising (and imitating) Colonel DE CAUCUSINE,
the real inspiring spirit in the camp of the victorious GRANDOLMAN,
the march of the Hubbabub army was stopped--the menaced empire of
Vraibleusia was saved from the flowing tide of Radical ruin; the
Marquis of STROKEFOGIES appeared in a blaze of triumph that outblazed
even the Berlin "Peace with Honour" business, and CODLINGSBY JUNIOR
"took the cake."

* * * * *

The dinner over, the young men rushed from their Club (White's),
flushed, full fed, and eager for battle. If the Blues were angry, the
Buffs were also on the alert.

"I can have a dinner at any hour," said CODLINGSBY JUNIOR; "but a Blue
and Buff row"--