shower-protector that was not my own, you can value the story for what
it is worth. Why, on the very face of it, the report is ridiculous!"

"Exactly," I agreed, "but, then, the world is uncharitable. However,
Mr. CHOSE, perhaps you can tell me if it is true that your friend and
colleague, Mr. BLANK, converted an aged Esquimaux into what he termed
Iced Greenlander?"

'I have heard the story, certainly; but cannot say whether it is
true or not. When the incident is alleged to have happened, I was in
another part of the country, having been sent there to change novels
at the local circulating library."

"But would you say it was probable?"

"Distinctly not. BLANK was a noble-hearted, chivalrous, merry,
gladsome, gallant young fellow. He was the soul of honour. Why," he
added, with deep emotion, "I have left as much as fourpence in coppers
on a mantel-piece alone with him, and on my return nave found every
halfpenny of the money untouched!"

"Then do you not think he pushed the old man into the
sausage-machine?"

"If he did, it must have been either accidentally, or to win a
wager, or perhaps as practical joke. That he would do anything open
to censure at the hands of the severest moralist, is absolutely
incredible. Why, he is a Loamshire man!"

"So I have heard; and, now, Mr. CHOSE, as I see that you have finished
your breakfast, I will put to you a purely personal question. Is it
true that you poisoned your grandmother, drowned your uncle, stifled
your niece, and hanged your brother-in-law?"

The Arctic Explorer pulled angrily at his moustache, and said
something about the reports to which I referred being exaggerated.

"And may I take it that you have never been in gaol for picking
pockets? And when it is said that you were turned out of a Club for
cheating at cards--"

But at this point I was assisted to take my leave with so much
abruptness, that I was forced to leave my last question but partially
formulated. On finding myself once more in the street, I noticed that
I was reclining in the gutter, bare-headed. A little later, however,
my hat was thrown after me.

* * * * *

PICTORIAL NOTE TO HAMLET.

[Illustration: HAMLET AS HE REALLY OUGHT TO BE, ACCORDING TO
SHAKSPEARE.]

"O that this too too solid flesh would melt!"

_Note_.--Shakespeare was the originator of the aesthetic expression
"Too, too."

[Illustration: _Queen_. "He's fat, and scant of breath,<br /> Her