f I get a representation of
flowers, the chances are ten to one that the accompanying lines are
of a compromising character. It is obviously cruel to send to a
recently-widowed Uncle some verses about "_Darby and Joan_," and my
Mother-in-law is not likely to feel complimented if I forward to her a
poetically expressed suggestion that there is no pleasanter place than
her own home--away, of course, from her Son-in-law! And yet these
are the problems that meet the would-be Yule Tide card distributer at
every turn! I remain, my dear _Mr. Punch_, yours sincerely,

ONE WHO WISHES TO AVOID A ROW.

P.S.--If this arrives late, thank the cards that have overtaxed the
postal arrangements.

* * * * *

THE UNITED SERVICE DIARY FOR 1891.

[Illustration: Extremes Meet.]

_January to March_.--Soldiers on leave. Sailors at sea. Civil Servants
reading the morning paper.

_April to June_.--Soldiers at play. Sailors in harbour. Civil Servants
reading the morning paper.

_July to September_.--Soldiers at sea (autumn manoeuvres). Sailors at
play (_ditto_). Civil Servants away (_ditto_).

_October to December_.--Soldiers on leave. Sailors at sea. Civil
Servants reading the morning paper.

* * * * *

[Illustration: FOLLIES OF THE YEAR.]

* * * * *

IN THE LATEST STYLE.

(_BY OUR INTREPID INTERVIEWER._)

Feeling that your readers would be interested in learning Mr. CHOSE's
own view of the unpleasant affair, I called upon the distinguished
Arctic Explorer just as he was sitting down to breakfast.

"Now, Mr. CHOSE, is it really true," I asked, "that you stole the
umbrellas?"

The face of the warrior flushed angrily, for a moment, and then
regaining his composure, he replied that he could not see the point of
possessing himself of articles that would be absolutely valueless in
those extremely northern latitudes.

"That is not the question," I persisted. "I am sure you will forgive
me, when you remember that I speak in the name of the Public; but what
I want, and what they want to know is, Did you steal the umbrellas?
Now, Mr. CHOSE, you can surely answer Yes or No."

"I don't see what either you or they have to do with it," replied
the Arctic Explorer, cutting off the top of a boiled egg, "but as a
matter of fact, I had nothing whatever to do with any of the luggage
of the expedition. So, if it is said, that I walked about with a