ping in.

***

There is said to be a craze among girls for entering Government
offices. The mania, an overworked official informs us, comes on at
10.15 A.M. and lasts about four hours.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Father._ "YES, TOMMY, WHATEVER YOU ATTEMPT THERE IS
ONE WAY TO LEARN, AND THAT IS BY BEGINNING AT THE VERY BOTTOM."

_Tommy._ "WHAT ABOUT SWIMMING?"]

* * * * *

"Many of the suburbs and outlying districts of London are
experiencing something like a plague of tiny stinging flies
similar to, but even more veracious than, the familiar
'midge.' The plague is not confined to low-lying
districts."--_Daily Paper._

The very last place in which we should expect to find anything
"veracious."

* * * * *

From a Paris letter:--

"The Majestic and the Astoria, and the other innumerable
hotels which house the Allied delegations, are full of the
white faces of tired secretaries, whose principles have
departed, or, still worse, returned."--_Evening Paper_.

We protest against this reflection on the morals of our delegation.

* * * * *

TO PEACE, ON HER CELEBRATIONS.

"Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind"
(As Colonel LOVELACE said) if I
From festal scenes for you designed
To solitude propose to fly;
If, when the strident trumpets blare
From Hampstead Heath to Clapham Junction,
And bunting fills the ardent air,
I don't assist at that brave function.

It does not follow, let me say,
That I am loath to give you cheer;
No, in my unobtrusive way
I hold you very, very dear;
I may not join the loud parade
Nor share the crowd's ecstatic tooting,
Yet in your honour I have paid
Twelve guineas for a summer suiting.

Think not I sniff at common joys
Or that my loyal heart condemns
A nation's soul expressed in noise
And pageants barging down the Thames;
Only, while others dance and pant
To hymns that carry half a mile hence,
I never was a Corybant,
But do my worship best in silence.

So on your _festa_ I shall be
Away in some sequestered nook,
Some open shrine beside the sea
Where Nature smiles with just your look;
And lie and let my thoughts go off
To where you come from--which is Heaven,
And play a quiet round of golf
And go to bed about eleven.