spent
In a German General's tent,
As a proof for English eyes
That he wasn't telling lies.

Though pursued by two or more
Furious German Army Corps
'Twere superfluous to say
That our hero got away,
For on coves of Edward's mettle
Flies are ill-advised to settle.

* * * * *

"House Parlourmaid wanted; most comfortable home; small
family; good outings; last one 7 years."--_Times._

Quite a nice little holiday.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE BEAR TURNS.]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

_Monday, May 26th._--On the whole I do not think that Sir AUCKLAND
GEDDES, who has now definitely succeeded Sir ALBERT STANLEY as
President of the Board of Trade, is to be congratulated on exchanging
the academic serenity of McGill University for the turmoil of
Whitehall (Bear) Gardens. The modified system of Protection introduced
under the stress of war seems to please nobody. While Colonel WEDGWOOD
complained that the price of gas-mantles (of which I should judge
him to be a large consumer) has gone up owing to the prohibition of
foreign imports, others objected that licences were issued so lavishly
as to cause British producers to be undersold in the home-market by
their American, Japanese and Italian rivals.

To avoid treading upon any of these varied susceptibilities the great
AUCKLAND had to execute a sort of diplomatic egg-dance; but he did
it with consummate skill and temporarily satisfied everybody with the
promise of a full statement upon trade policy so soon as Peace has
been signed. I hope this won't make the Germans more dilatory than
ever.

At the Press Gallery dinner the other night the SPEAKER, who was
the guest of the evening, recalled the three golden rules for
Parliamentary orators--"Stand up; speak up; shut up"; and added that
while some Members paid very little attention to the second of them
there were a few whose stentorian tones he would like to borrow in
case of a disturbance. But really I don't think he need worry. To dam
a rising tide of "Supplementaries" this afternoon he called the next
name on the Order-Paper; and his _crescendo_ effect--"Mr. Grattan
Doyle!--Mr. _Grattan Doyle_!!--Mr. GRATTAN DOYLE!!!--Mr. GRATTAN
DOYLE!!!!"--could not have been bettered by Mr. JACK JONES.

I hope the fighting Services are not going to revive their pre-war
jealousy of one another. The t