es drives up in his tarantass. Perhaps he is a glib-tongued
gentleman, and assures me that the proceedings will commence at once:
'Sei tchas! sei tchas!' Don't believe what the priest or the dictionary
tells you about the meaning of that expression. The dictionary will tell
you that it means 'immediately,' but that's all nonsense. In the mouth
of a Russian it means 'in an hour,' 'next week,' 'in a year or two,'
'never'--most commonly 'never.' Like many other words in Russian, 'sei
tchas' can be understood only after long experience. A second justice
drives up, and then a third. No more are required by law, but these
gentlemen must first smoke several cigarettes and discuss all the local
news before they begin work.

"At last they take their seats on the bench--a slightly elevated
platform at one end of the room, behind a table covered with green
baize--and the proceedings commence. My case is sure to be pretty far
down on the list--the secretary takes, I believe, a malicious pleasure
in watching my impatience--and before it is called the justices have to
retire at least once for refreshments and cigarettes. I have to amuse
myself by listening to the other cases, and some of them, I can assure
you, are amusing enough. The walls of that room must be by this time
pretty well saturated with perjury, and many of the witnesses catch at
once the infection. Perhaps I may tell you some other time a few of the
amusing incidents that I have seen there. At last my case is called. It
is as clear as daylight, but the rascally pettifogger is there with
a long-prepared speech, he holds in his hand a small volume of the
codified law, and quotes paragraphs which no amount of human ingenuity
can make to bear upon the subject. Perhaps the previous decision is
confirmed; perhaps it is reversed; in either case, I have lost a second
day and exhausted more patience than I can conveniently spare. And
something even worse may happen, as I know by experience. Once during
a case of mine there was some little informality--someone inadvertently
opened the door of the consulting-room when the decision was being
written, or some other little incident of the sort occurred, and the
rascally pettifogger complained to the Supreme Court of Revision, which
is a part of the Senate. The case was all about a few roubles, but it
was discussed in St. Petersburg, and afterwards tried over again by
another court of justices. Now I have paid my Lehrgeld, and go no m