g.

* * *

"DISGUISED SPIES"

was the title of a paragraph in a contemporary last week. These cases
must surely be exceptional. We always think of spies as wearing a
recognised uniform, or at least a label to indicate their profession.

* * *

"CORK STEAMER SUNK BY MINE."--_Evening News._

This war is shattering many of our illusions.

* * *

Mr. FRED EMNEY, who is now appearing at the Coliseum, would like it to
be known that he is not an Alien Emney.

* * * * *

Illustration: "IT'S ALL VERY WELL, JARGE, FOR YOU T' SAY WHY DON'T
KITCHENER AN' FRENCH DO THIS AN' THAT? BUT WHAT I SAY IS, IT DON'T DO
FOR YOU AN' ME T' SAY ANYTHINK WHAT MIGHT EMBARRASS EITHER OF 'EM."

* * * * *

THE NEW CENSORSHIP.

"The country in which so much interest centres may be briefly
described. From near ---- to ---- and onwards in a south-easterly
direction there is a low range of chalky hills, closely resembling
our South Downs. There is no harm in saying definitely that not a
German is on this line."--_Daily Telegraph._

No apparent harm, but you can't be too careful. If the news gets round
to the Germans that they are not there, they might at once set about to
correct this defect.

* * * * *

THE TANDEM.

"Mr. F. Marsham-Townshend's Polygamist, 3, 6-2, E. Crickmere 0

Mr. F. Marsham-Townshend's Polygamist, 3, 6-2, O. Grant 0"

_Irish Times._

Racing, you will be glad to be reminded, still goes on, but of course
only for the sake of creating employment. By putting two jockeys upon
the same horse the desired end is attained more easily.

* * * * *

CANUTE AND THE KAISER.

[_Thoughts extracted from a sea-shell (howitzer pattern) by Our Own
Special Conchologist on the Belgian Coast._]

There was a King by name CANUTE
(In ancient jargon known as KNUT),
And I, for one, will not dispute
The kingly figure which he cut;
A god in mufti--so his courtiers said--
Whatever thing he chose to have a try at,
He did it (loosely speaking) on his head,
By just remarking, "_Fiat!_"

One day they sat him by the sea
To put his virtue to the test,
And there, without conviction, he
Threw off the following, by request:--
"Ocean," he said, "I see your waves are wet"
(Bravely he spoke, but in his heart he funked