el at ease with my
Constance. Nor could I have wished it to be otherwise.

Now let me think when I was first taken with this mad fit. It was
last Thursday week; we were all three in the wood; it was one of my
bad days, when I love him unto pain; it hurt me that he lagged
behind, I wanted him near. And I twice saw Constance turn to look
after him; I turned, too,--they smiled at each other. When he drew
up, the path was wider; it was the first time, I think, that instead
of coming to my side, or placing himself between us, he went round
to Constance.

I noticed it, I felt it; there spread a quick pain through my whole
being. It was silly, perhaps, but I walked round behind him, and
slipped my hand through his arm.

"Are you tired, my Emilia?" he asked; but I answered:

"No, dear; I only wanted to take your arm."

And I said to myself, "I am very glad that he is mine, and not
another woman's."

I never remember having understood hatred as I did at that moment;
the possibility of his growing to love Constance had not yet
occurred to me, only the thought that he might some day love another
woman better than me. And it dawned upon me thus suddenly that I was
jealous.

And now, what does the judge think? No evidence, of course not; they
are both as true as gold, they both love me dearly, they would not
dream of a flirtation,--pah! the word sickens me, it is not fit. And
there am I in my folly leaving them together, whilst I give way to
ugly doubts, and tear myself by an ugly passion.

I had better go down again. This doubt of them is hateful in me.

_June 10th._--I must be very jealous indeed. This is very strange. I
dreamed last night that we were in a room full of people, we three.
I was seeking him, and he came towards me suddenly with Constance on
his arm. Lifting her on high, I threw her far from us, so that with
a cry she sank into great depths; and Gabriel--seeking to stay
me--caught me by the waist. I heard the whirl and the hum of those
about us, but in the weakness of my love I fell with my head upon
his breast, and thus we floated into endless space.

I am a sensible person as a rule, yet the flavour of this dream has
been with me all day long, and I could hardly look at Constance for
the wrong I had done her in my thoughts. I must be very jealous.

_June 18th._--I put it from me for a while. I have been very calm; I
have watched them narrowly. I am very calm now. Gabriel came to
spend the evening