tle. They feed, clothe, and
lodge him; give him a yearly income, surround him by all the state
and form of a throne; and mock him with as fine words and with as
high-sounding titles as we give our sovereigns; but a common aga of the
Janissaries has more power than he; he does not dare even to give the
bastinado to one of his own viziers, be his fault what it may; whereas
the aga, if expedient, would crop the ears of half the city, and still
receive nothing but reward and encouragement.

'Then they have certain houses full of madmen, who meet half the year
round for the purposes of quarrelling. If one set says white, the
other cries black; and they throw more words away in settling a common
question than would suffice one of our muftis during a whole reign.
In short, nothing can be settled in the state, be it only whether a
rebellious aga is to have his head cut off and his property confiscated,
or some such trifle, until these people have wrangled. Then what are
we to believe? Allah, the Almighty and All wise, to some nations giveth
wisdom, and to others folly! Let us bless Him and our Prophet, that we
are not born to eat the miseries of the poor English infidels, but can
smoke our pipes in quiet on the shores of our own peaceful Bosphorus!'

'Strange, strange things you tell me,' said I, 'and had I not heard
them, I could not believe something more, which is, that all India
belongs to them, and that it is governed by old women. Do you know that
fact?'

'I shall not be surprised to hear of anything they do,' answered he,
'so mad are they generally reported to be; but that India is governed
by infidel old women, that has never yet reached our ears. Perhaps it
is so. God knows,' continued he, musing, 'for mad people do wonderful
things.'

After a pause, 'Now,' said I, 'have I learnt all, or are there more
unbelievers? By your beard, tell me; for who would have thought that the
world was so composed?'

He reflected for some time, and said, 'O yes, I forgot to mention two or
three nations; but, in truth, they are not worthy of notice. There are
Spanish, Portuguese, and Italian infidels, who eat their swine, and
worship their image after their own manner; but who, in fact, are
nothing even amongst the Franks. The first is known to us by their
_patakas_ (dollars); the second sends us some Jews; and the third
imports different sorts of dervishes, who pay considerable sums into
the imperial treasury for building churches,