y
expression of censure or reprobation, he could not conceal from me that
he regarded him as a very cold-hearted, unfeeling man, from whom little
kindness could be expected, and to whom entreaty or petition would be
lost time. I will not dwell on the impression this revelation produced
on me, nor will I linger on the time that followed on it,--the very
saddest of my life. Our lessons were stopped,--all the occupations that
once filled the day ceased,--a mournful silence fell upon us, as though
there was a death in the house; and there was, indeed, the death of that
peaceful existence in which we had glided along for years, and we sat
grieving over a time that was to return no more. My mother tried to
employ herself in setting my clothes in order, getting my books decently
bound, and enabling me in every way to make a respectable appearance in
that new life I was about to enter on; but her grief usually overcame
her in these attempts, and she would hang in tears over the little trunk
that recalled every memory she was so soon to regard as the last traces
of her child. Biddy, who had long, for years back, ceased to torment or
annoy me, came back with an arrear of bitterness to her mockeries and
sneers. "I was going to be a lord, and I'd not know the mother that
nursed me if I saw her in the street! Fine clothes and fine treatment
was more to me than love and affection; signs on it, I was turning my
back on my own mother, and going to live with the blackguard"--she
did n't mince the word--"that left her to starve." These neatly turned
compliments met me at every moment, and by good fortune served to arm
me with a sort of indignant courage that carried me well through all my
perils.

To spare my poor mother the pain of parting, Mr. McBride--I cannot say
how judiciously--contrived that I should be taken out for a drive
and put on board the packet bound for Holyhead, under the charge of a
courier, whom my father had sent to fetch me, to Brussels, where he was
then living. Of how I left Ireland, and journeyed on afterwards, I know
nothing; it was all confusion and turmoil. The frequent changes from
place to place, the noise, the new people, the intense haste that seemed
to pervade all that went on, addled me to that degree that I had few
collected thoughts at the time, and no memory of them afterwards.

From certain droppings of the courier, however, and his heartily
expressed joy as Brussels came in sight, I gathered that I