scared.

"Are you going mad?" she asked.

"I think so," I said. "Do you know," I went on wildly, saying just
anything by way of preserving my sanity, "I remember that once, when
I was quite little, I half promised I would marry this highly exalted
person; we were playing together as boy and girl in a garden."

"But the Countess of Aire," cried the Vicar's wife, "never was a
girl."

"And never was a boy either," I cried.

"The Countess of Aire," screamed the Vicar's wife--yes, she was fairly
screaming by now--"is a he."

"Now that _is_ absurd," I said.

It was the Vicar, coming round the corner in his usual hurry, as if
every day were a Sunday, who saved the situation by bumping into us
both.

"The Countess of Aire," shrieked his poor wife, frantically clutching
him by the coat-tails, "is a man, isn't he?"

"Certainly," said the Vicar. "It is a terrible age, but thank Heaven
for this," he added piously, "we have yet to learn of a female County
Surveyor."

* * * * *

"NURSERY GOVERNESS WANTED. Three children, 7, 6, and 2
ears."--_Daily Paper._

Plenty of stuff to box.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE LIMIT--AND BEYOND.

GERMANY. "THEY TELL ME I'VE GOT TO MAKE UP THIS COLOSSAL SUM."

TURKEY. "IT'S WORSE FOR ME. _I_'VE GOT TO MAKE UP MY _MIND_!"
(_Swoons._)]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

[Illustration: THE PARLIAMENTARY TRAIN.

_PORTER LAW._ "SOME OF THIS STUFF WILL HAVE TO BE LEFT FOR THE RELIEF
TRAIN--IF WE HAVE ONE."

_Mr. LLOYD GEORGE._ "THAT'S ALL RIGHT SO LONG AS YOU CAN CARRY MY
LITTLE LOT."]

_Monday, May 17th._--In theory the business of a Second Chamber is
to revise calmly and dispassionately the legislation which has been
scamped by the First. In practice what happens in our Parliament is
that the Peers, after killing time with academic debates for two
or three months, are suddenly called upon, whenever a Recess is in
contemplation, to pass three or four Bills through all their stages
in as many days. At the invitation of Lord CRAWFORD (Lord SALISBURY
perfunctorily protesting) they entered upon one of these legislative
spasms this afternoon, and within less than an hour gave a second
reading to two Bills, and a third reading to two others, besides
listening politely while Lord NEWTON (with him Lord LAMINGTON)
bewailed the sad fate of certain German "Templars" (a species of
T