ey to secure this Imperial
Federation?

_All Britannia's Daughters_ (_together_). Why you, dear Mamma!

_Mrs. Brit._ (_fondling them_). Darlings!

[_Scene closes in upon a picture very dear to Tax-payers._

* * * * *

The Heathen Chinee in the House.

(_New Nursery Rhyme for Unionists._)

[Mr. LABOUCHERE recently presented a petition in the Chinese
characters.]

LAB-BI, the cynic and cold,
Was blackest sheep in the Liberal fold.
He mocked the Old Man's eloquent tags,
And let the cats out of all his bags;
And when the cats ran loose, said he
"I wonder how _that_ suits dear G!"

* * * * *

[Illustration: "To-night is ours!"]

ELEVATING THE MASSES.

(_A Purely Imaginary Sketch._)

ARGUMENT--Mrs. FLITTERMOUSE, _having got up a party to assist her in
giving an Entertainment at the East End, has called a meeting for the
purpose of settling the items in the programme._

SCENE--Mrs. FLITTERMOUSE'S _Drawing-room in Park Lane. Everybody
discovered drinking tea, and chatting on matters totally unconnected
with Philanthropy._

_Mrs. Flittermouse_ (_imploringly_). Now, _please_, everybody, _do_
attend! It's quite impossible to settle anything while you're all
talking about something else. (_Apologies, protests, constrained
silence._) SELINA, dear, what do you think it would be best to begin
with?

_The Dowager Lady Dampier._ My dear FRITILLA, I have no suggestion
to offer. You know my opinion about the whole thing. The people don't
want to be elevated, and--if they did--entertaining them is not the
proper means to set about it. But I don't wish to discourage you.

_Mrs. Flitt._ Oh, but I think we could do so _much_ to give them a
taste for more rational and refined amusements, poor things, to wean
them from the coarse pleasures which are all they have at present.
Only we must really decide what each of us is going to do.

_Mrs. Perse-Weaver._ A violin solo is always popular. And my daughter
CECILIA will be delighted to play for you. She has been taught by the
best----

_Cecilia._ Oh, Mother, I couldn't, really! I've never played in
public. I _know_ I should break down!

_Lady Damp._ In that case, my dear, it would be certainly unwise on
your part to attempt it.

_Mrs. P.-W._ Nonsense, CECILIA, nonsense. You _won't_ break down, and
it wouldn't matter in the least if you did. _They_ wouldn't notice
anything. And it will be such exce