al of all the reins
measured to a _millimetre_ by half a forefinger, no allowance being
made for chalk-stones, or stiff knuckles. Multiply the quotient by the
off-wheel-rein, and add the near leader's blinkers to the result. Then
pass your left thumb under your right middle finger, taking care
at the same time to tie the off-leading-rein round your neck in
a sailor's knot. Add six yards of whipcord to the near leader's
shoulders, subtract yourself from the box, and send us your doctor's
bill, for purposes of comparison.

WHO'S WHO?--(1) _Roundabout Sammy_ is a very promising horse, by
_Engineer_, out of _Little Joker_. He was not bred in France, for,
though there is a Parisian accent about some of his neighs, there is
a distinctly British look about his nose. He is a trifle cobby, no
doubt, but he is a capital feeder, and should go well in a double
harness, with 84 '_Pommery_, his constant stable companion. (2.) Peat
Moss Litter is not generally used for soup, or table decorations. (3.)
The appearance you refer to is probably _rubinosis brandiginiata_. It
is due to the absorption of _liquor per haustum_. The snakes you sent
us are indigenous to the hill-country of Del Trementi.

* * * * *

[Illustration: HOW RAPID CONVERSIONS ARE MADE.

_Lady Circe._ "WHAT, YOU DON'T APPRECIATE _WAGNER_, MR. JONES? YOU
MUST LET ME PLAY YOU A LITTLE OF _PARSIFAL_."

[_Does so, and Jones, who has no ear for Music whatever, becomes an
ardent and aggressive Wagnerite on the spot, and remains so for the
rest of his life!_
]

* * * * *

UNCLE TOBY AND WIDOW WADMAN.

(MODERN ULSTER VERSION.)

_A Fragment after the Fashion of Sterne._

_Uncle Toby_ Mr. J-HN B-LL. _Widow Wadman_ Mrs. ULST-R.

"I AM half distracted, Captain SHANDY," said Mrs. WADMAN, holding up
her cambric handkerchief to her left eye, as she approached the door
of my Uncle TOBY'S Sentry-Box--"a mote, or sand, or small fly,
or something, I know not what, has got into this eye of mine. The
Gardener declares it is one of those Green Flies which are the pest of
this Distressful Country. I refuse to believe _that_. There never was,
never will, never can, never _shall_ be any Green in _my_ eye. But
whatever it is, mote or beam, it is awfully irritating. Do look
into it; it is not in the white, or perhaps I should say--for I am a
brunette of olive complexion, you know--in the Yellow----"

In saying which, Mr