e it's a sort of a dried herring--with a
squint, don't you know.

_Lady Damp._ I see no humour in making light of a personal deformity,
I must say.

_Mr. Gard._ Oh, don't you? _They_ will--it'll go with a scream there!

_Miss Diova Rose._ Yes, poor dears--and we mustn't mind being just a
little vulgar for once--to cheer them up.

_Lady Honor._ I have been to the Pavilion and the Tivoli myself, and I
heard nothing to object to. I know I was much more amused than I ever
am at theatres--_they_ bore me to death.

_Mr. Bagotrix._ We might finish up with _Mrs. Jarley's Waxworks_ you
know. Some of you can be the figures, and I'll come on in a bonnet and
shawl as _Mrs. Jarley_, and wind you up and describe you. I've done
it at lots of places in the country; brought in personal allusions and
all that sort of thing, and made everybody roar.

_Lady Damp._ But will the East-Enders understand your personal
allusions?

_Mr. Bag._ Well, you see, the people in the front rows will, which is
all _I_ want.

_Lady Honor_ (_suspiciously_). Isn't _Mrs. Jarley_ out of _Pickwick_,
though? That's DICKENS surely!

_Mr. Bag._ (_reassuringly_). Nothing but the name, Lady HONOR. I make
up all the patter myself, so that'll be all right--just good-natured
chaff, you know; if any body's a offended--as I've known them to
be--it's no fault of mine.

_Mrs. Flitt._ Oh! I'm sure you will make it funny,--and about getting
someone to preside--I suppose we ought to ask the Vicar of the nearest
church?

_Lady Honor._ Wouldn't it be better to get somebody--a--more in
Society, don't you know?

_Mrs. Flitt._ Yes; and he might offer to pay for hiring the Hall, and
the other expenses. I never thought of that. I'll see whom I can
get. Really I think it ought to be great fun, and we shall have
the satisfaction of feeling we are doing real good, which is such a
comfort!

* * * * *

[Illustration: A GENTLE SNUB.

"HERE, WAITER, QUICK! SOMETHING TO EAT--AND LOOK SHARP!"

"YESSIR. WHAT'LL YOU 'AVE, SIR?"

"OH--ANYTHING--I DON'T CARE. CHOP OR STEAK--WHATEVER YOU LIKE."

"YOU MUST EXCUSE ME, SIR; BUT I DON'T FEEL CALLED UPON TO DECIDE!"]

* * * * *

A Tip to Teetotallers.

TEMPERANCE is good--but not alone in Drink!
Good causes are not won, whate'er you think,
By bullying indulgence in bad manners.
A total abstinence from aught unfair
Will serve you best. Your Standard ra