he query is "Which One of These Couples Will be the
Happier in Five Years?" the implication being that the young people who
buy Dr. Eliot's books will, by constant reading aloud to each other from
the works of the world's best writers, cement a companionship which will
put to shame the illiterate union of the young card players.

Granted that most two-handed games of cards _are_ dull enough to result
in divorce at the end of five years, they cannot be compared to
co-operative family reading as a system of home-wrecking. If this were a
betting periodical, we would have ten dollars to place on the chance of
the following being the condition of affairs in the literary family at
the end of the stated time:

(_The husband is reading his evening newspaper. The wife appears,
bringing a volume from the Five Foot Shelf. Tonight it is Darwin's
"Origin of Species_.")

WIFE: Hurry up and finish that paper. We'll never get along in this
Darwin if we don't begin earlier than we did last night.

HUSBAND: Well, suppose we didn't get along in it. That would suit me all
right.

WIFE: If you don't want me to read it to you, just say so ...
(_after-thought_) if it's so far over your head, just say so.

HUSBAND: It's not over my head at all. It's just dull. Why don't you
read some more out of that Italian novel?

WIFE: Ugh! I hate that. I suppose you'd rather have me read "The Sheik."

HUSBAND (_nastily_): No-I-wouldn't-rather-have-you-read-"The Sheik." Go
on ahead with your Darwin. I'm listening.

WIFE: It's not _my_ Darwin. I simply want to know a little something,
that's all. Of course, _you_ know everything, so you don't have to read
anything more.

HUSBAND: Go on, go on.

WIFE: That last book we read was so far over--

HUSBAND: Go on, go on.

WIFE: (_reads in an injured tone one and a half pages on the selective
processes of pigeons_): You're asleep!

HUSBAND: I am not. The last words you read were "to this conclusion."

WIFE: Yes, well, what were the words before that?

HUSBAND: How should I know? I'm not learning the thing to recite
somewhere, am I?

WIFE: Well, it's very funny that you didn't notice when I read the last
sentence backwards. And if you weren't asleep what were you doing with
your eyes closed?

HUSBAND: I got smoke in them and was resting them for a minute. Haven't
I got a right to rest my eyes a minute?

WIFE: I suppose it rests your eyes to breathe through your mouth and
hold your head way ov