performance was remarkable,
and he will further agree that it was, at least, an indication of a
high degree of self-control. Though I have no desire to prove that at
this period I was not in an abnormal condition, I do wish to show that
I had a degree of self-control that probably would have enabled me to
remain in the best ward at this institution had I not been intent
--abnormally intent, of course, and yet with a high degree of
deliberation--upon a reformative investigation. The crest of my wave of
elation had been reached early in October. It was now (November) that
the curve representing my return to normality should have been
continuous and diminishing. Instead, it was kept violently
fluctuating--or at least its fluctuations were aggravated--by the
impositions of those in charge of me, induced sometimes, I freely
admit, by deliberate and purposeful transgressions of my own. My
condition during my three weeks of exile just ended, had been, if
anything, one of milder excitement than that which had obtained
previously during the first seven weeks of my period of elation. And my
condition during the two weeks I now remained in the best ward in the
State Hospital was not different from my condition during the preceding
three weeks of torture, or the succeeding three weeks of abuse and
privation, except in so far as a difference was occasioned by the
torture and privation themselves.

Though I had long intended to effect reforms in existing methods of
treatment, my reckless desire to investigate violent wards did not
possess me until I myself had experienced the torture of continued
confinement in one such ward before coming to this state institution.
It was simple to deduce that if one could suffer such abuses as I had
while a patient in a private institution--nay, in two private
institutions--brutality must exist in a state hospital also. Thus it
was that I entered the State Hospital with a firm resolve to inspect
personally every type of ward, good and bad.

But I was in no hurry to begin. My recent experience had exhausted me,
and I wished to regain strength before subjecting myself to another
such ordeal. This desire to recuperate controlled my conduct for a
while, but its influence gradually diminished as life became more and
more monotonous. I soon found the good ward entirely too polite. I
craved excitement--action. And I determined to get it regardless of
consequences; though I am free to confess I should not