e Serpentine on days like this except the swans, who paddle all
night to hold the ice at bay. I wonder if I could get a swan and keep
it in the water-jug.

Half-past eight? Yes, I did hear, thank you. I am really going to get
up very soon now.

What I am going to do is to make one tiger-like leap--tiger-like leap,
I say--for the bathroom door and turn the hot-water tap full on until
the whole of the upper part of the house is filled with steam.

I am going to do it this very moment. I--yes--ugh.

Now I come to think of it a tiger-like leap would be quite the wrong
idea. I am glad I did not do it. Tigers are not cold when they leap.
"Tiger, tiger, burning bright." Tiger, tiger----

What did you say? A quarter to nine? What? And the water-pipes frozen?
_Are_ they?

Thankugh.

K.

* * * * *

"WIDOW KISSED BY BURGLAR.

ADVENTURE WITH A SOFT-VOICED GIANT.

The gurglar took nothing away with him." _Scots Paper._

"Gurglar" seems the _mot juste_.

* * * * *

"---- CLUB. Monthly medal competition. Returns:--

Gross. Hep. Nett.
F. Slicer 92 8 84
W. H. Putter 103 16 87"

_Provincial Paper_.

If only the Judicious HOOKER had been playing he might have downed
them both.

* * * * *

[Illustration: AT THE NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM.

_Mother_ (_trying to calm her lachrymose offspring_). "'ERE,
ALBERT--LOOK AT THE PRETTY FISHES."]

* * * * *

NEW RHYMES FOR OLD CHILDREN.

THE PIG.

The way in which he eats and drinks
Is so extremely crude
That nearly everybody thinks
The pig enjoys his food.

But when I see how very fast,
Without one single chew,
He gobbles up his huge repast,
I'm sure it isn't true.

Far nobler than your Uncle Joe,
Who simply sits and sits,
Revolving, gluttonous and slow,
The more attractive bits;

Far nobler than your Uncle Dick,
Who likes the choicest food,
And, if he doesn't have the pick,
Is very, very rude;

The pig has not a word to say
To subtleties of taste;
He eats whatever comes his way
With admirable haste.

In fact, the pig may well resent
The insult to his line
When certain of the affluent
Are said to eat like swine.

A. P. H.

* * *