he War began, and has always told his friends that he
will never leave his post till peace comes. On an afternoon this week
he was seen with beaming face buying a travelling rug and two portable
trunks at one of London's largest emporia. I wonder--yes, I wonder.

* * * * *

[_The Editor_. You are not very spicy this week.

_The Contributor_. Nor would you be if you had been confined to the
house at Peckham Rye with influenza. Better work next week. I have an
appointment to lunch with a member of the National Liberal Club and
shall get right to the heart of things.]

* * * * *

Extract from Army Orders at the Front:--

"A C. of E. Chaplain will shortly join the Heavy Artillery.
Please make arrangements for him to be accommodated in the ----
Heavy Battery Horse Lines."

The nearest thing that could be got, we suppose, to a Canon's stall.

* * * * *

"As approved up to date, the bread ticket will comprise four
squares, each entitling the holder to purchase two ounces of
bread; or, by presenting the whole ticket, two quartern loaves
of 4 lb. each."--_Birmingham Daily Mail_.

Mr. Punch, though yielding in patriotism to no one, has already
decided to present the whole ticket.

* * * * *

From a letter by "Retired Diplomat" on "Maize Bread":--

"To obtain this result the hard yellow husk must be separated
from the soft white core, as does the parrot, and the latter
alone retained for baking purposes."--_Evening Paper_.

As in these days no means of increasing the supply of food-stuffs
should be neglected, we have much pleasure in passing on "Retired
Diplomat's" suggestion to the authorities of the Zoo. Personally we
prefer Cockatoo _en casserole_.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE PRICE OF VICTORY.

"WELL, OLD GIRL, IF WE CAN'T DO THAT MUCH, WE DON'T DESERVE TO WIN."]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

_Monday, April 30th._--After this week Newmarket will be "a blasted
heath," for all horse-racing is to be stopped. Irish Members could
hardly believe the dreadful news. What are the hundred thousand young
men who refuse to for their country to do with their spare time?

Scotch Members, on the contrary, were rather pleased. Mr. DUNCAN
MILLAR, whose desire to deprive his countrymen of