JANET. I know.

CARVE. You told me Cyrus Carve had insisted on cremation.

JANET. (With vivacity.) And what did you expect me to tell you? I had
to soothe you somehow; you were just about delirious. I was afraid if I
told you the truth you'd be doing something silly--seeing the state you
were in. Then it struck me a nice plain cremation at Woking was the very
thing to keep you quiet.

CARVE. (Still more moved.) Then he's.... Westminster Abbey!

JANET. Yes, I should say all is over by this time. There were thousands
of people for the lying-in-state, it seems.

CARVE. But it's awful. Absolutely awful.

JANET. Why is it awful?

CARVE. I told you--I explained the whole thing to you.

JANET. (Humouring, remonstrating.) Mr. Shawn, surely you've got rid of
that idea! You aren't delirious now. You said you were convalescent, you
know.

CARVE. There'll be a perfect Hades of a row. I must write to the Dean at
once. I must----

JANET. (Soothingly.) I shouldn't if I were you. Why not let things be?
No one would believe that tale----

CARVE. Do you believe it?

JANET. (Perfunctorily.) Oh yes.

CARVE. No, you don't. Honestly, do you now?

JANET. Well----(Knock at door.) Come in. (Enter WAITER with hot
milk.) Here's your hot milk.

WAITER. Miss Looe has called.

CARVE. I must see her.

JANET. But----

CARVE. I must see her.

JANET. Oh, very well. (Exit WAITER.) She's telephoned each day to
inquire how you were. She asked if you wanted a seat for the funeral. I
told her you couldn't possibly go, but I was sure you'd like to be
invited--whether it was the Abbey or not. Please don't forget your milk.

(Enter HONORIA LOOE in mourning, introduced by WAITER.)

HONORIA. (Coming in quickly, bowing to JANET and shaking hands with
CARVE.) Good afternoon. Please don't rise. I've heard how ill you've
been. I've only called because I simply had to.

CARVE. It's very kind of you.

HONORIA. Oh, Mr. Shawn, I know you didn't want him to be buried in the
Abbey. I'm all for quiet funerals, too; but really this was an
exceptional case, and I think if you'd seen it you'd have been glad they
did decide on the Abbey. Oh, you've no idea how impressive it was! The
Abbey is always so fine, isn't it? And it was crammed. You never saw
such a multitude of distinguished people. I mean really
distinguished--all in black, except, of course, the uniforms. Royalties,
ambassadors, representatives from all the academies all over Euro