will
realize that in influential quarters----

TEXEL. But do you reckon this policy of hushing up things ever does any
good?

ALCAR. My dear sir, it is the corner-stone of England's greatness. It is
the policy that has made her what she is!

CARVE. (Looking round again.) True! What she is!

ALCAR. (Turning sharply to CARVE behind him.) Mr. X, your interest
in my picture flatters me immensely----

CARVE. (Interrupting him.) I see you've bought my latest portrait of
my wife.

ALCAR. Yes.

JANET. (Starting up.) What's that? (She goes to inspect picture.)

CARVE. I suppose it would be abusing your hospitality to inquire how
much you paid our excellent dealer for it?

ALCAR. Not in the least. But the fact is we haven't yet settled the
price. The exact price is to depend on the result of our gathering.

JANET. Well, if anybody had told me I should find my own
portrait--cooking-sleeves and all----

(Inarticulate--she returns to her chair.)

ALCAR. And now that we have got so far, Mr. X, I should like to
centralize the attention of this quite friendly gathering on yourself.

CARVE. (Approaching airily.) Really! (He sits.)

ALCAR. There are several questions we might discuss. For example, we
might argue the artistic value of the pictures admittedly the work of
Mr. X. That would probably occupy us for about ten years. Or we might
ask ourselves how it happened that that exceedingly astute dealer, Mr.
Ebag, came to sell as a genuine Ilam Carve, without offering any
explanation, a picture which, on the face of it, was painted some time
after that great painter had received a national funeral in Westminster
Abbey.

EBAG. Sheer carelessness, my lord.

ALCAR. Or we might ask ourselves why a valet should try to pass himself
off as a world-renowned artist. Or, on the other hand, why a
world-renowned artist should pass himself off as a valet.

CARVE. Sheer carelessness, my lord.

ALCAR. But these details of psychology are beside the main point. And
the main point is (to CARVE)--Are you Ilam Carve or are you Albert
Shawn? (To the others.) Surely with a little goodwill and
unembarrassed by the assistance of experts, lawyers, and wigs generally,
we can settle that! And once it is settled the need for a trial ceases.
(CARVE assumes an elaborately uninterested air.) The main point does
not seem to interest you, Mr. X.

CARVE. (Seeming to start.) I beg your pardon. No, not profoundly. Why
should it?

ALCAR. Yet