g
to hide her disappointment, but not quite succeeding.) Oh! A picture!
Who is it? (Examines it with her nose close to it.)

CARVE. No, no. You can't take a picture like snuff! Get away from it.
(He jumps up, snatches the picture from her, and exposes it on a chair
at the other side of the room.) Now! (He sits down again.)

JANET. Yes, it doesn't look quite so queer like that. Those are my
cooking sleeves, and that seems a bit like my kitchen--that's my best
copper pan! Is the young woman meant to be me?

CARVE. Well, not to beat about the bush, yes.

JANET. I don't consider it very flattering.

CARVE. How many times have you told me you hate flattery?

JANET. (Running to him.) Now he's hurt. Oh, he's hurt. (Kissing
him.) It's a beautiful picture, and the frame's lovely! And she's so
glad he didn't forget.

CARVE. It is pretty good. In fact it's devilish good. It's one of the
best things I ever did in my life. Old Carve would have got eight
hundred for that like a shot.

JANET. (Sceptically.) Would he? It's wonderful how wonderful people
are when they're dead.

CARVE. And now will she let him finish reading his paper?

JANET. (Handing him the paper, then putting her head close to his and
looking at the paper.) What was it he was reading that made him so deaf
he couldn't hear his wife when she spoke to him?

CARVE. This.

JANET. (Reading.) "Ilam Carve's princely bequest. The International
Gallery of Art. Foundation stone laying. Eloquent speech by Lord
Rosebery." Oh! So they've begun it at last?

CARVE. Yes, they've begun it at last.

JANET. Well, if you ask me, I should have thought he could have found
something better to do with his money.

CARVE. As for example?

JANET. Well, I should have thought there were more than enough picture
galleries as it is. Who wants 'em? Even when they're free, people won't
go into them unless it's a wet day. I've never been in a free picture
gallery yet that wasn't as empty as a church. Stands to reason! It isn't
even a cinematograph. When I see rows of people in Trafalgar Square
waiting to get into the National Gallery, then I shall begin to think
it's about time we had some more galleries. If I'd been Ilam Carve----

CARVE. Well, what should you have done, witch?

JANET. I should have left a bit more to you, for one thing.

CARVE. I don't want more. If he'd left me eight hundred a year instead
of eighty, I shouldn't be any happier. That's just what I've learnt