SIR,--I only wish everybody I don't want to see _in_ London
would live _out of it_. What a thrice blessed time August
would be then! Though indeed I infinitely appreciate small
mercies _now_. At all events, most people are away, my Club is
not closed, and I can enjoy myself pretty thoroughly.

Yours,

_Elbow Room Club_.

BEAU WINDER.

SIR,--"Why not live out of London?" _Because one can't._ Out
of London there is only "existence." Is life worth living
anywhere except in London--and Paris; if you happen to be
there? No, no; those who like living "out of London," had
better not live at all.

Yours,

HIPPY CURE.

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.

PRIVATE THEATRICALS.

"_Tisn't a part that I_ feel, _and I fear I shall make a failure;"
i.e.,_ "Easy as be blowed, but _I_'m thrown away upon it."

TRADE EMBELLISHMENTS.

"_The Ching-Twangs Central China Tea Company's selected growth of
Early Green Leaf Spring Pickings;" i.e.,_ "A damaged cargo and last
year's rotten sweepings, mingled with chipped broom, dried cabbage,
and other equally suitable and inviting ingredients."

AT LUNCHEON.

"_No more, indeed, really;" i.e.,_ "Had nothing to eat--but more of
_that_ stuff? No, thank you."

ELECTIONEERING.

"_The Leaders to whom the Nation owes its recent period of
prosperity": i.e.,_ "Gentlemen who have unavoidably remained in Office
during the revival of Trade."

"_Having every personal respect for my opponent;" i.e.,_ "I now
proceed to blacken his political character."

IN THE SMOKING-ROOM.

"_You know I always hate long arguments;" i.e.,_ "Don't deprive me of
my pet diversion."

"_No; I don't exactly see what you mean;" i.e.,_ "_You_ don't; but the
admission on my part looks candid."

"_My dear fellow, ask_ anyone _who really knows anything;" i.e._ "You
appear to live among a half-educated set of local faddists."

* * * * *

'ARRY ON 'ARRISON AND THE GLORIOUS TWELFTH.

DEAR CHARLIE,--No Parry for me, mate, not this season leastways--wus
luck!
At the shop I'm employed in at present, the hands has all bloomin'
well struck.
It's hupset all our 'olidays, CHARLIE, and as to my chance of a
rise
Wot do _you_ think, old pal? I'm fair flummoxed, and singing, _Oh,
what a surp