e."
And so they would have, long ago, it's my belief, if they'd met with
no encouragement--but what can _I_ do--it's a heavy trial to a father,
you know. Then there's my third son--he must needs go and marry--_(to
a Lady at his side with a reticule, who gasps faintly)_--some young
woman who dances at a Music-hall--nice daughter-in-law that for a man
in my position, eh? I've forbidden him the house of course, and
told his mother not to have any communication with him--but I know,
Sir,--_(violently, to a Man on his other side, who coughs in much
embarrassment)_--I _know_ she meets him once a week under the eagle
in Orme Square, and _I_ can't stop her! Then I'm worried about my
daughters--one of 'em gave me no peace till I let her have some
painting lessons--of course, I naturally thought the drawing-master
would be an elderly man--whereas, as things turned out,--

_A Quiet Man in a Corner._ I 'ope you told all this to the Policeman,
Sir?

_The C.O.G. (flaming unexpectedly)._ No, Sir, I did _not_. I am not
in the habit--whatever _you_ may be--of discussing my private affairs
with strangers. I consider your remark highly impertinent, Sir.

[_Fumes in silence for the rest of the journey.

The Young Lady with the Parcel (to her friend--for the sake of
vindicating her gentility)._ Oh, my dear, I do feel so funny, carrying
a great brown-paper parcel, in a bus, too! Anyone would take me for a
shop-girl!

_A Grim Old Lady opposite._ And I only hope, my dear, you'll never be
taken for anyone less respectable.

[_Collapse of_ Genteel Y. L.

_The Conductor_. Benk, benk! _(he means "Bank")_ 'Oborn, benk! 'Igher
up there, BILL, can't you?

_A Dingy Man smoking, in a Van._ Want to block up the ole o' the road,
eh? That's right!

_The Conductor (roused to personality)._ Go 'ome, Dirty DICK! syme
old soign, I see,--"Monkey an' Pipe!" _(To Coachman of smart brougham
which is pressing rather closely behind.)_ I say, old man, don't
you race after my bus like this--you'll only tire your 'orse. _[The
Coachman affects not to have heard._

_The Conductor (addressing the brougham horse, whose head is almost
through the door of the omnibus)._ 'Ere, '_ang_ it all!--step insoide,
if yer want to!

_[Brougham falls to rear_--_triumph of_ Conductor _as Scene closes_.

* * * * *

IN THE KNOW.

_(By Mr. Punch's Own Prophet.)_

[Illustration]

Readers of this journal will be surprised to learn that I