leg, and trip up a little sister
who is passing. Howls ensue.

A nicely-mannered youth!

"You will have to behave yourself with _me_, young man!" I warn him,
in a tone which ought to abash him, but doesn't in the least.

"Ah, but perhaps you won't stay here long," is his rather able
rejoinder. "Our Governesses never--"

"ERNIE!" shrieks his mother, threateningly. ERNIE stops; and I have
time to regret my folly in not inquiring of the President the precise
age of my promising disciple, very likely President didn't know
himself.

The other boys who were at supper are now presented to me. One is
about eight, the other not more than six.

"These are HERBIE and JACK," says their mother, who ought to know.
Thank Heaven, _they_ are not my pupils!

Mrs. BRISTOL MERCHANT horrifies me by saying--

"I thought it would be so nice, when you were teaching ERNIE, _if_
HERBIE _and_ JACK _could be taught too!_ And after lessons you will
be able to take them such nice long walks in the neighbourhood! It's
really very pretty country, Mr.--I forget your name."

Oh, certainly, the President was quite right. She _is_ very
uncultivated. That ever I was born to cultivate her--or her precious
offspring! But was I? Time must show.

[Illustration: SARTORIAL EUPHUISMS.

"MEASUREMENTS ABOUT THE SAME AS THEY USED TO BE, SNIPPE?"

"YES, SIR. CHEST A TRIFLE _LOWER DOWN_, SIR, THAT'S ALL!"]

* * * * *

AN ARGUMENTUM AD POCKETUM.

[The Rev. B. MEREDYTH-KITSON called the attention of the
London School Board to the action of Mr. MONTAGU WILLIAMS,
who, being appealed to by "a respectable-looking woman" for
the remission of a fine of five shillings imposed upon her
husband for neglecting to send their children to school, gave
her five shillings out of the poor-box to pay it, on finding
that she had nine children, the eldest fifteen years, the
youngest five months, a husband out of work, and "no boots
for her children to go to school in." The Rev. STEWART HEADLAM
said that in East London they suffered a good deal through
the decisions of Mr. MONTAGU WILLIAMS, who constantly paid the
fines from the poor-box, or out of his own pocket!]

Oh, MONTAGU, this conduct is nefarious!
_You_ are, indeed, a pretty Magistrate!
Better the judgments, generous, if precarious,
Of the old Cadi at an Eastern gate.
No wonder that you madden MEREDTTH-KITSON,
An