Twice I stopped and spoke to 'er, but it was no good. Other people
stopped too, and I 'ad to move on agin; and every step was bringing me
nearer to my house and the missus.

I turned into our street, arter passing it three times, and the first
thing I saw was my missus standing on the doorstep 'aving a few words
with the lady next door. Then she 'appened to look up and see us, just
as that silly woman was trying to walk arm-in-arm.

Twice I knocked her 'and away, and then, right afore my wife and the
party next door, she put her arm round my waist. By the time I got to
the 'ouse my legs was trembling so I could hardly stand, and when I got
into the passage I 'ad to lean up against the wall for a bit.

[Illustration: RIGHT AFORE MY WIFE AND THE PARTY NEXT DOOR SHE PUT HER
ARM ROUND MY WAIST.]

"Keep 'er out," I ses.

"Wot do you want?" ses my missus, trembling with passion. "Wot do you
think you're doing?"

"I want my 'usband, Bill," ses the woman.

My missus put her 'and to her throat and came in without a word, and the
woman follered 'er. If I hadn't kept my presence o' mind and shut the
door two or three more would 'ave come in too.

I went into the kitchen about ten minutes arterwards to see 'ow they was
getting on. Besides which they was both calling for me.

"Now then!" ses my missus, who was leaning up against the dresser with
'er arms folded, "wot 'ave you got to say for yourself walking in as bold
as brass with this hussy?"

"Bill!" ses the woman, "did you hear wot she called me?"

She spoke to me like that afore my wife, and in two minutes they was at
it, hammer and tongs.

Fust of all they spoke about each other, and then my missus started
speaking about me. She's got a better memory than most people, because
she can remember things that never 'appened, and every time I coughed she
turned on me like a tiger.

"And as for you," she ses, turning to the woman, "if you did marry 'im
you should ha' made sure that he 'adn't got a wife already."

"He married me fust," ses the woman.

"When?" ses my wife. "Wot was the date?"

"Wot was the date you married 'im?" ses the other one.

They stood looking at each other like a couple o' game-cocks, and I could
see as plain as a pike-staff 'ow frightened both of 'em was o' losing me.

"Look here!" I ses at last, to my missus, "talk sense. 'Ow could I be
married to 'er? When I was at sea I was at sea, and when I was ashore I
was with you