s except the castor-oil.

April 4, 8.30 a.m.--Awakened by an infernal crash and discover that my
poor looking-glass is in pieces again on the floor. True Born explains
that its position, between the open door and the open window, was too
much for it. Don't believe a word of it. Shall believe to my dying day
that it burst in a frantic but hopeless attempt to tell Lieut. True Born
the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

April 6.--The lieutenant watching for some sign of misfortune to me.
Says that I can't break a mirror twice without ill-luck following it.
Me!

April 9.--Lieut. True Born comes up to me with a face full of conflicting
emotions. "Your ill-luck has come at last," he says with gloomy
satisfaction. "We go under canvas on the 23rd. You are losing me!"

THE SUBSTITUTE

The night watchman had just returned to the office fire after leaving it
to attend a ring at the wharf bell. He sat for some time puffing
fiercely at his pipe and breathing heavily.

"Boys!" he said, at last. "That's the third time this week, and yet if I
was to catch one and skin 'im alive I suppose I should get into trouble
over it. Even 'is own father and mother would make a fuss, most like.
Some people have boys, and other people 'ave the trouble of 'em. Our
street's full of 'em, and the way they carry on would make a monkey-'ouse
ashamed of itself. The man next door to me's got seven of 'em, and when
I spoke to 'im friendly about it over a pint one night, he put the blame
on 'is wife.

"The worst boy I ever knew used to be office-boy in this 'ere office, and
I can't understand now why I wasn't 'ung for him. Undersized little chap
he was, with a face the colour o' bad pie-crust, and two little black
eyes like shoe-buttons. To see 'im with his little white cuffs, and a
stand-up collar, and a little black bow, and a little bowler-'at, was
enough to make a cat laugh. I told 'im so one day, and arter that we
knew where we was. Both of us.

"By rights he ought to 'ave left the office at six--just my time for
coming on. As it was, he used to stay late, purtending to work 'ard so
as to get a rise. Arter all the clerks 'ad gorn 'ome he used to sit
perched up on a stool yards too 'igh for him, with one eye on the ledger
and the other looking through the winder at me. I remember once going
off for 'arf a pint, and when I come back I found 'im with a policeman,
two carmen, and all the hands off of the Maid