optimism again. Half-an-hour later a sentry brought him down the trench
at the point of the bayonet for muttering as he rounded the traverse,
"Galoot--Gunning--Grumble--Grumpy," in pseudo-Wessex. Naturally, to
Native Yorkshire this sounded like pure Bosch.

Ah! but he won through in the end. The man who has stood five years of
unsuccessful story-writing for magazines is not the kind to let himself
be beaten easily. There could be no doubt of the final result. When the
revised list was issued the response to the inquiry, "Hullo, is that
Sink?" was met by a "No, this is Smack," that crashed through the
thickest intellect.

But vaulting ambition had o'erleapt itself. As a covering note to the
new issue he had put up the following letter:--

"Ref. G K etc., etc., of 10th inst. On November 3rd all previous issues
of Code Names will be cancelled in favour of the more euphonious
nomenclature which is forwarded herewith."

A shriek of joy echoed through the corps. "Euphonious!" What a word!
What a discovery in a foreign country! The joy of the signal operators,
on whom something of the spirit of the old-time bus-drivers has
descended, was indescribable. You had only to pick up the receiver at
any time and the still small voices of the busy signal world could be
heard chortling, "Hullo-oo? Hullo, Euphonious! How's your father?
Yes, give me Crump." Or, "No, I can't get the General; he's left his
euphonious receiver off."

Poor Euphonious (he has never been called by anything else since)--they
have threatened to make him O.C. Recreations for Troops.

* * * * *

[Illustration: BIRDS OF ILL OMEN.

MR. PUNCH. "ONLY GOT HIM IN THE TAIL, SIR."

THE MAN FROM WHITEHALL. "YES, BUT I MEAN TO GET THE NEXT ONE IN THE
NECK."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Mistress_. "I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WHAT YOU CAN TO
ECONOMISE THE FOOD."

_Cook_. "OH, YES'M. WE'VE PUT THE CAT ON MILK-AN'-WATER."]

* * * * *

PARS WITH A PUNCH.

ALL THE REAL NEWS ABOUT MEN, WOMEN AND THINGS.

BY OUR RAMBLING GOSSIP.

_(With acknowledgments to some of our contemporaries.)_

_A Long-Felt Want._

The opening, next week, of a Training School for Bus and Tube Travellers
will, it is hoped, supply a long-felt want in the Metropolis. I
understand that a month's course at the establishment will enable the
feeblest of mortals to hold his own and more in the fearful m