iting. And even then I am doubtful; for it might
be that, lost in the confusion of that one wild rush, the magic letter
would start on its way--_flipperty-flipperty_--to the never-land, and we
should forever have missed it.

So, friends, acquaintances, yes, and even strangers. I beg you now to
give me another chance. I will answer your letters, how gladly. I
still think that NAPOLEON (or CANUTE or the younger PLINY--one of the
pre-Raphaelites) took a perfectly correct view of his correspondence ...
but then _he_ Never had a letter-box which went

_Flipperty-flipperty-flipperty-flipperty-flipperty-flipperty-flipperty-
flipperty-flipperty-flipperty--FLOP._

A.A.M.

* * * * *

THE H.D. AND Q. DEPARTMENT.

"Major-General F.G. Bond is gazetted Director of Quartering at the
War Office."

Pacifists beware!

* * * * *

"DIRTY WORK AT DOWNING STREET. BY HORATIO BOTTOMLEY."

_John Bull._

They shouldn't have let him in.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Officer._ "WHY WERE YOU NOT AT ROLL-CALL LAST NIGHT?"

_Defaulter._ "WELL, SIR, WITH THIS 'ERE CAMP CAMOUFLAGED SO MUCH, I
COULDN'T FIND MY WAY OUT OF THE CANTEEN."]

COUNTER TACTICS.

About a year ago I paid a visit to my hosier and haberdasher with
the intention of purchasing a few things with which to tide over
the remaining months of winter. After the preliminary discussion of
atmospherics had been got through, the usual raffle of garments was
spread about for my inspection. I viewed it dispassionately. Then,
discarding the little vesties of warm-blooded youth and the double-width
vestums of rheumatic old age, I chose several commonplace woollen
affairs and was preparing to leave when my hosier and haberdasher leaned
across the counter and whispered in my ear.

"If I may advise you, Sir, you would be wise to make a large selection
of these articles. We do not expect to replace them."

He glanced cautiously at an elderly gentleman who was stirring up a box
of ties, then, lowering his voice another semitone, added, "The mills
are now being used exclusively for Government work." He insinuated the
death-sentence effect very cleverly, and at that moment, coming to his
support, as it were, the old gentleman tottered up, seized upon two
garments and carried them off from under my very fingers. As he went out
a middle-aged lady entered and made straight for th