ed heartily on a magnum of mare's-nest soup.

A tremendous accession to the ranks of the Sinn Feiners has been
narrowly averted. When Members read the menu which, according to Major
NEWMAN, the Irish Government has adopted for political prisoners--three
good square meals a day, including an egg, ten ounces of meat, a pound
and a half of bread, two pints and a half of milk, and real butter--they
were strongly minded to enlist under Mr. DE VALERA'S banner and get
themselves arrested forthwith. But Mr. DUKE'S emphatic denial shattered
their dream of repletion at the taxpayers' expense.

A final attempt to get proportional representation included in the
Franchise Bill was heavily defeated. In a dashing attempt to save it Sir
MARK SYKES declared that the old Eatanswill methods of electioneering
had gone for ever--"no mouth was large enough to kiss thirty thousand
babies." But the majority of the House seemed to be more impressed by
the self-sacrificing argument of that eminent temperance advocate, Sir
THOMAS WHITTAKER, who feared that "P.R." would lead to an increase in
"milk-and-water politicians."

* * * * *

ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW FROM AFRICA.

"A Belgian East African communique says that before the converging
advance of the Anglo-German Belgian columns, the enemy retired to
the south bank of the Kilimbero."--_Mombasa Times._

We seem to have met some of these Anglo-German columns in the Pacifist
Press.

"Our machines then bombed the General, in which the
German Head-quarters at Constantinople are reported to be
situated."--_Times._

The General must have been stout, even for a German.

"Not having regained consciousness the police are left with little
tangible evidence to work upon."--_Daily Telegraph._

Let us hope they will soon come to.

* * * * *

[Illustration: HOW TO UTILISE OUR SKILLED CRAFTSMEN.

_First Lieutenant._ "WHAT WAS THIS MAN BEFORE HE JOINED?"

_Petty Officer._ "OPTICIAN, SIR."

_First Lieutenant._ "WHAT HAD WE BETTER GIVE HIM TO DO?"

_Petty Officer._ "THERE'S THEM PRISMATIC SPOTTING GLASSES, SIR. THE
LEATHER STRAP IS BROKEN OFF THEM. HE COULD SPLICE IN A PIECE O' COD
LINE."]

* * * * *

_LE POILU DE CARCASSONNE._

THE _poilus_ of France on the Western Front are brave as brave can be,
Whether they hail from rich Provence or from ruined Picardie;
It's