r
mantelpiece.

A WOMAN may scoff at her husband's religion, insult his friends, absorb
his income and pry into his secrets, and still retain his love, if she
regards his pipe and his razor as sacred.

YOU can always find somebody to share your money and your pleasures
with; but you've got to have somebody tied to you to share your sorrows
and troubles with; that's the excuse for matrimony.

[Illustration]

A MARRIAGE of convenience is the safety-pin with which a woman fastens
on her self-respect when the hooks of love are broken.

THERE never was a man so small that he couldn't call his two-hundred
pound wife "little one" with a perfectly serious face.

GOD made the first man; but He must have seen His mistake, for the
Scriptures say nothing of His having had anything to do with the rest of
them.

A MAN'S idea of a thrifty wife is one who can make lobster salad out of
left-over veal and a new hat out of an old fruit basket.

LOVE is the spur, matrimony the whip that drive a man to hard work and
successful accomplishment.

[Illustration]

THE longest way 'round the saloon and the stage door is the shortest way
home for some men.

THERE never was a man living who wouldn't marry Venus, and then expect
her to stay home and do the cooking.

ONCE a fool, twice married.

WHEN a girl marries she usually has to choose whether she prefers to sit
at the foot of a throne or to stand on a door-mat.

OF course, you can't expect two people to keep step all their lives to
the wedding march; but it's a pity the joy-bells get out of tune so
soon.

NINE tailors may make a man, but they can't make a gentleman.

[Illustration]

BEFORE marriage a man inquires, "What is that fascinating perfume?"
afterward, "What is that sickening stuff?"

IT isn't the troubles and sorrows they share, but the bridge parties and
midnight suppers they don't share, which separate most married couples.

THERE is no pity on earth so heartfelt as that with which the bachelor
and the newly-married man regard one another.

LOVE is a delirious spin in an automobile, marriage the accident of
which you are always in danger.

A WOMAN can get so used to that sort of thing that she would feel almost
neglected if some day her husband should fail to offer up the usual
morning and evening growl.

[Illustration]

A WOMAN will go on a starvation diet and have herself skinned alive in
order to retain her husband's admiration; but a man considers