"professor" claims that he refuses to "give up" his secret
unless the State of Kansas adequately remunerates him for it, which, of
course, it rightly refuses to do--he demonstrates how absolutely devoid
of horse sense he is. No man with a "cure" for consumption--without
mentioning the many other equally remunerative "cures" which this wizard
owns, and which may be appended to the consumption "cure" just as the
side-shows journey in the wake of the big circus--need waste his
precious time dickering with the unappreciative State of Kansas. If his
"cure" is anywhere near twenty-four carat gold he can own the State of
Kansas and he may add another one to it for good measure. Any man
capable of doing one-thousandth part of what this wily "professor"
claims to be able to do, would make so much money that it would
embarrass him all the rest of his life. One of his claims is that he can
cure epilepsy. If he could cure epilepsy he wouldn't be allowed to stay
twenty-four hours in the State of Kansas. Every civilized country on the
face of the earth would bid for his services as an economic necessity
because as an investment he would be cheap at any price.

CHAPTER XXXI

THE PATENT MEDICINE EVIL--Continued

The ---- Consumption Cure--Personals to Consumptives--Nature's
Creation--Female Weakness Cures--Various Compounds and Malt
Whiskies.

FRAUDULENT TESTIMONIALS

It would indeed seem to be an act of supererogation to compile further
evidence of the infamy of this entire business: what additional proof is
necessary?

A certain Dr. H. of ----, Mich., published widely the following
advertisement:

"Gains 17 Pounds After Every One Gave Her Up.

"Miss I---- S---- had a terrible case of consumption, together with
catarrh and bronchitis. With this terrible complication, given up to
die, she took the H---- treatment. She is now cured."

Dear Doctor: I have been gaining rapidly. Have gained 17
pounds; weigh 150 pounds now and am getting quite strong, too.
I wish you could see me. You would be surprised. I look just
fine. Everybody says they never thought I would get well. I
can't thank you enough for it. I am feeling just fine, so I
will close.

Yours truly,

Miss I---- S----.

The above testimonial reads quite convincing and doubtless was the means
of influencing many other unfortunate victims to put themselves under
the "professional" care of Dr. H----. Inves