old the COUNT, the other day, "to mind his own business."

***

There were 1,084,289 visitors to the London Zoological Gardens last year.
It is worthy of note that not one of them was accepted.

***

A wood-pigeon shot at Heytesbury was found to have in its crop sixty-five
grains of corn--enough to produce half a sack of wheat. In fairness to the
bird it is only right to say that it was not aware of this.

***

Mr. BRACE has lately introduced a Bill in the House to reduce the number of
jurors at inquests. A further improvement would be to repeal the old
technicality which makes it illegal for a man to give evidence at his own
inquest.

***

"I met the prisoner twenty years ago," said a witness in a Northern police
court last week, "and I well remember his face." It is better to have that
sort of memory than that sort of face.

***

At a rally of five hundred boy scouts of London, Wolf Cubs greeted Cardinal
BOURNE with the "Great Howl." It is not known in what way the CARDINAL had
offended the young Cubs.

***

Under the new order the police will not have power to enter the premises of
persons suspected of food hoarding. Cooks who in the past have been in the
habit of hoarding cold rabbit pie will have to be dealt with in other ways.

***

According to a Billingsgate fish merchant kippers are daily increasing in
price. It is, of course, too much to hope that they will ever become so
dear as to prohibit their use among comedians on the music-hall stage.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "WHAT MAKES YOUR HUSBAND SO CROSS THESE TIMES?"

"HE KEEPS FRETTING DREADFUL BECAUSE HE'S OVER THE AGE AND SO HE CAN'T BE A
CONSCIENTIOUS OBJECTOR."]

* * * * *

THE POTSDAM ALTRUIST.

[_The Frankfurter Zeitung_ protests against the idea that "the KAISER
in Germany's gravest times allows anxiety about himself or his dynasty
to have access to his thoughts."]

Among the penalties imposed on Kings
Who govern absolutely by divine right,
I am no more affected by the things
That Socialists and other dirty swine write
Than when a pin is thrust
Into a pachyderm's indifferent crust.

But now I deign to answer, even I,
The vilest yet of these revolting sallies,
Where they allege that when our German sky
Rocks to the air of "_Deutschland ueber alles_,"
"_Un