was my worshipful good neighbour, for our demesnes lay
near together. Then, sir, you and I must be of more near acquaintance,
at which you must make an eruption thus:--O God (sweet sir)--

BAR. 'Sfoot, the knight would have made an excellent Zany in an Italian
comedy.

ILF. When he goes forward thus: Sir, myself am lord of some thousand a
year, a widower (Master Scarborow). I have a couple of young gentlewomen
to my daughters: a thousand a year will do well divided among them; ha,
will't not, Master Scarborow? At which you out of your education must
reply thus: The portion will deserve them worthy husbands: on which
tinder he soon takes fire, and swears you are the man his hopes shot at,
and one of them shall be yours.

WEN. If I did not like her, should he swear himself[337] to the devil, I
would make him foresworn.

ILF. Then putting you and the young pug[338] too in a close room
together----

WEN. If he should lie with her there, is not the father partly the bawd?

ILF.----Where the young puppet, having the lesson before from the old
fox, gives the son half a dozen warm kisses which, after her father's
oaths, takes such impression in thee, thou straight call'st, By Jesu,
mistress, I love you!--when she has the wit to ask, But, sir, will you
marry me? and thou, in thy cock-sparrow humour, repliest, Ay, before
God, as I am a gentleman, will I; which the father overhearing, leaps
in, takes you at your word, swears he is glad to see this; nay, he will
have you contracted straight, and for a need makes the priest of
himself.
Thus in one hour, from a quiet life,
Thou art sworn in debt, and troubled with a wife.

BAR. But can they love one another so soon?

ILF. O, it is no matter nowadays for love; 'tis well, and they can but
make shift to lie together.

WEN. But will your father do this too, if he know the gallant breathes
himself at some two or three bawdy-houses in a morning?

ILF. O, the sooner; for that and the land together tell the old lad, he
will know the better how to deal with his daughter.
The wise and ancient fathers know this rule,
Should both wed maids, the child would be a fool.
Come, wag, if thou hast gone no further than into the ordinary fashion--
meet, see, and kiss--give over; marry not a wife, to have a hundred
plagues for one pleasure: let's to London, there's variety: and change
of pasture makes fat calves.

SCAR. But change of women bald knaves, sir knight.

ILF. Wag, and thou bee