annuation plan
Won't wash--at Scotland Yard.
They seem against me to a man.
It's really very hard.

_Chorus._

If you'd know why WARREN went,
Ask a P'liceman!
Or why MONRO'S not content,
Ask a P'liceman!
Isn't it enough to vex
The most genial of Home-Secs.?
If you want an answer--plump,
Ask a P'liceman!

I'm getting quite unpopular;
I can't imagine why.
If in the Force itself there's war,
'Gainst _me_ there'll be a cry.
Fancy our Constables on strike
For Eight Hours, and the rest!
The prospect's one I do not like.
P'licemen, _don't_ be a pest!

_Chorus (in which_ Mr. M-T-TH-WS
_does not join_.)

If you want to know the facts,
Ask a P'liceman!
About M-TTH-WS and his acts,
Ask a P'liceman!
If you wish the truth to know
About popular MONRO,
And who _next_ ought to resign,
Ask a P'liceman!!!

* * * * *

[Illustration: A NASTY ONE.

_Miss Smith (to Brown, who has just been relating an amusing personal
experience)._ "HOW GOOD! AND DID IT REALLY HAPPEN TO YOU?"

_Brown._ "YES, _REALLY_--ONLY YESTERDAY!"

_Jones (his hated rival)._ "AH! BUT I CAN TELL YOU A STILL OLDER STORY
THAN THAT, ABOUT A FELLOW WHO----" [_Tells a regular Joe Miller._
]

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.

SOCIAL.

"_You'll come again soon?_" _i.e._, "Thank goodness, he's going
abroad!"

"_Always make time to see you_;" _i.e._, "Strict orders to servants,
'Not at home.'"

THEATRICAL.

"_Miss Blank will make her first appearance in Juliet at a Matinee_;"
_i.e._, That some theatrical coach sees his way to making a little
additional profit out of a wealthy and ambitious pupil.

"_Why don't you look in?--house crammed every night, but always room
for you_;" _i.e._, Last attempt to place a free admission when
the theatre is empty, and the vouchers have been refused at the
poster-displaying tobacconists.

* * * * *

BACK TO BACKS.

The Cambridge Week, delightful. Beautiful weather till I left, and
after me--the deluge! Fair faces everywhere, and O those beautiful
"Backs"! As the poet sang--

"Ye Backs and Braes!"

Why lug in "Braes"? Fronts may be, and have been, false, but never
these "Backs." They never looked lovelier than at the commencement
of last week,--fine weather, warm,