Hague.

***

Brick-box, the Irish Guards' pet terrier, has been sent for the present
to a dogs' home. In the event of their going abroad the Irish Guards
hope to bring back with them a certain other dog who seems to have gone
mad.

***

The British Isles have been defeated at Lawn Tennis, but we really
shan't mind so long as we win the war.

***

"On shop after shop in Paris," says _The Evening News_, "is the notice,
'Maison fermee a cante du de depart du patron et les employes sous les
drapeaux Francais.'" Sorry, _Evening News_, but we cannot believe your
statement in its entirety. We are afraid you did not get it confirmed by
the Official Press Bureau.

***

According to the St. Petersburg _Gazette_ the Germans have arrested the
Grand Duke CONSTANTINE CONSTANTINOVITCH at Badwildungen. The Russian
Government admits that the GRAND DUKE has published several volumes of
verse.

***

According to a statement in _The Globe_ "the German liner, _Belgia_,
having run short of coal, put in at Newport (Mon.) to-day, and was
seized as a prize. She has over L250,000 worth of food on board,
including 400 tons of cheese, 73 German reservists, and also a large
amount of specie." The last two items must, of course, be regarded as
emergency rations.

***

An unfortunate misprint:--

"WAR NEWS IN A FEW LIES."

* * * * *

Illustration: THE MONOPOLIST.

_Late Arrival_ (_wishing to put his machine in bicycle rack_). "WELL,
UPON MY WORD, THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS! CADDIE, WHO PUT HIS BICYCLE LIKE
THAT?"

_Caddie._ "CAN'T SAY FOR SURE, SIR. THE KAISER, I SHOULD THINK."

* * * * *

HOW WAR IS "MADE IN GERMANY."

(_Extract from the KAISER'S Diary._)

Letter captured bearing mark of Venezuela Consulate at Berlin. Stamp not
put on straight. Insult to me--therefore to the flag. Proceed to issue
ultimatum to Venezuela. Venezuela omits to concede one of the 421 points
raised. Declare war on Venezuela and publish address to my
people:--"Owing to this wicked and determined challenge to Our nation,
We have been forced, greatly against Our wish, into a quarrel with a
powerful and designing enemy," etc., etc.

Consignment of Chicago sausages, arriving Hamburg, is found to bear
label "The Best." Deliberate blow at German supremacy. Germany is the
Sausage Queen. Ultimatum to United States. Reply unsatisfactory, so
declare war